


Ride

by Attackongays



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Eren Yeager, Gay Sex, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, POV Eren Yeager, Punk Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Smut, Yaoi, ereri, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:32:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2679221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attackongays/pseuds/Attackongays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is only assumed that the car wreck between Eren and Levi is random, but as Levi enters Eren's life and seems to shake everything up; Eren can only wait and see why Levi is so infactuated with him.</p><p>((!!TRIGGER WARNING!!))<br/>~gore and such bro read @ur own risk k?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi's POV

\----------

  I have nothing to apologize for, and even the weary state I sit in at this moment cannot stifle my ability to think otherwise.

My thumbs pad at the steering wheel as I think this for the millionth time.

The music in my car is blasting, but not to the point where you can hear it rudely from the outside. I press my hand against my forehead, running my fingers across my scalp, the soft dark fibers sitting across my forehead are pushed back in between my fingers. I yawn pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the glove compartment, skillfully lighting one while still keeping my attention to the road. I roll down the window, taking the cigarette from my mouth, I blow out a puff of musty grey smoke as my hand rests against the breeze.

My eyes feel heavy against the bright sun shining through the front windows of the car, disregarding the sun visor I had put down before leaving. I have nothing to apologize for, and that was a fact.

Then it happens, I stopped at a small sign, practically in the middle of nowhere. My car jumps forward, and somehow I don’t drop my cigarette on the pavement. I heard the sound of fragments crushing together, looking through my rearview mirror it was more than obvious that my back window was near to completely shattered. my jaw clenches and I yank my car keys out of the ignition. Stumbling out of my car I take a long drag of the cigarette, my eyes are squinched up against the sun as I take in the damage made on my small shitty ass black car.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I bark taking my cigarette out from between my lips and throwing it out on the ground. I step forward kicking the back tire as hard as I can. “Goddammit!” I yell feeling rage whelp up inside me. I turn to see the one responsible, which looked like a small van, I squinch my eyes. A young boy, maybe in his highschool years steps out. A blue sweater hugs at his sides, and hes wearing black jeans. They aren’t nearly as tight as the ones I wore with my black shirt.

He looked completely intimidated, but that didn't phase me. I storm towards him to where he had stepped out of his car. My hand found its way to the neck of his sweater first, and his weight had been transferred to my arm. “What’s your fucking problem? How am I suppose to fix this?” I practically yell into the boys face.

He looks pitiful, like he might cry or some shit. I let go of him, walking back over to my car, the entire back bumper was caved in, and the back windshield had glass falling off and plummeting onto the concrete road. I push my hands into my face, moaning as I pace across the pavement. Trying my hardest to keep my temper down, I look up, seeing the boy standing right where I let go of him, his face is different now though, less caught off guard.

“Don’t you have car insurance?” He asks, seeming annoyed now. Maybe it was my height that have him courage, its always my fucking height. “I’m terribly sorry, but not everyone is as privileged as you are. So no, I don’t have any goddamn insurance to pay for this bullshit your ass did.” I sneer as I begin to approach the kid again, my fists clenched at my side. "You're the one that never slowed down until the last minute!" The boy the yells back. "What the fuck did you just say?"

\--------

Eren's POV

\--------

He was inches from my face now, and I can smell the tobacco in his breath. Why was I feeling vulnerable at a time like this? I got in fights all the time, and most of the time I won. For god's sake, this douchebag was shorter than me. Yet I felt intimidated, why?

He had silver piercings all over his face, silver balls on his defined black eyebrows, two under his pouty lip, and when he opened his mouth to yell there were three on his tongue.

Two on either sides of the tip, and then one in the middle.

          I've never seen someone with that now that I think of it. Now that his face was so close to mine I noticed there were two small silver balls in between his eyes.

His eyes, they were definitely green, dark green.

The loose, tattered black short sleeved shirt he wore exposed his sharp pale collar bones, and he had a bundle of small tattoos spilling down his neck.

"Don't make me repeat myself brat." His voice breaks my mind, bringing me back to reality with a harsh jolt. The fear kicks back in but I refuse to show it.

"Can we just call a tow truck?" I ask, not wanting to deal with this anymore. "I don't think you got in your brain that I don't have any fucking insurance kid." He snaps back, I lift my hands, pushing him back.

"Give me some air!" I begin to yell, the way he carried himself pissed me off so much. He had to have that Napoleon complex, pissed off and short.

He flashes me look like I shouldn't have done what I just did. I didn't know how long it took him to pin me against the concrete ground, but I was, and his foot now rested on my chest. My head was now pounding, and I was almost convinced his intentions were to kill me.

"Are you fucking crazy?!" I yell, coughing from the wind being knocked straight out of my stomach.

He looks down at me, and I see his same cold green eyes, and his black snug jeans have holes in them.

"Don't fucking touch me like that again, your lucky I didn't do worse." He threatens with his voice filled with complete hatred. I moan, my head was was throbbing. I didn't have the energy for this. It was Friday, and I was exhausted enough already from school.

"Can't we just get a drink somewhere?" I say half consciously.

"Just to talk it out?" The sun was blazing in my eyes so I couldn't tell whether or not this guy was acting like I was the crazy one here or not. After a few seconds I feel the pressure against my chest lift.

My eyes are squinting against the sun still, but soon a hand blocks it and his full face comes back into view. He was assisting me back up. I didn't even know half the things coming out of my mouth, and this guy could have seriously hurt me, throwing me down on the road like that.

"Give me your name." He says emotionless as I grab onto his hand. My weight is easily lifted up by him, he was ridiculously stronger than I had expected. “Eren.” I tell him, my voice cracking.

Where the hell did he learn to fight like that? "Look up at the sun." He then commands, and for a moment I feel like he didn't even hear my proposal. I reluctantly do as he says and appoint my vision up at the sun. My eyes squinch at the piercing yellow and white light, but I feel one of his hands pry one open, stopping me from doing so.

The whole movement made me uncomfortable.

"Your eyes are contracting...good." He says before letting go of my eye.

"Why is that good?" I say, rubbing the back of my head where I could feel a painfully large knot start to form. "You shouldn't have a concussion." He says casually, as if it wasn't his fault that I would have one in the first place.

Before I could fuss at him for throwing me down on the ground he had already gotten back into his car. When I thought he was ditching he had only pulled it down in the grass beside the road.

One of the tires had went lopsided, I couldn't tell if it was because I hit him so hard, or if it was just an effect of his shitty looking car.

He gets out and starts walking past the stop sign and up the road.

"Hey! Wha-where are you going!?" I yell as I begin running up towards him, but my body feels like shit from that fall, so I can only walk fast after a few steps. "There's a place just across the block, if we go now we'll get back before dark." He hollers back, neglecting to turn back to me.

As I approached closed to him I noticed that he had another piercing on the back of his neck. How many piercings did this guy have?

“We aren’t going anywhere with...alcohol..are we?” I asked hesitantly, realizing that this guy looked like the type who would drag him into some weird ass bar knowing I was obviously underage.

“Don’t get your panties in a wod, I’m not taking you anywhere to get alcohol.” The man scoffed. I sped up to him, to where we were both walking beside each other, we walked up onto a sidewalk, and the main road was now by our side.

I look out at the cars whooshing by, across the street were only a few scattered fast food restaurants and smoke shops.

My grandma use to warn me about this part of town, that some of the people here were no good and might want to hurt me. This gave me an uneasy feeling, with that I seemed to have gave some distance between the man and me as we walked briskly side by side.

“So what’s your name?” I find myself asking, trying to distract myself from the number of poor choices I have made in the situation. The man was looking out ahead of us, a stressed look on his face. His eyes are dark, but somehow he made it look good. Wait...What the hell am I saying? No, he just looked like an average guy, no, he didn’t look like a average guy.

He had piercings all over his body, and he was shorter than most of the guys I knew. I mean I was tall for my age, but he had to be short for his age. “It’s Levi.” He said, rubbing one of his eyes. He looked tired, I wondered if he had gotten any sleep lately. I was looking down at the sidewalk, feeling somewhat bashful. Levi is still looking forward, and we were walking pretty fast. “Don’t you have folks who are going to want to know where you are, I’m not going to jail because you want to go on a walk with me.” He then says abruptly.

My eyes grow big “No, no, I go to a boarding school up town. On fridays we don’t really have curfew because most people go home to their families.” I explain, nervously shoving my hands in my pockets.

“Are your parents not expecting you this weekend?” The man asked, not sounding all that concerned.

“My grandparents live far from here, I usually carpool myself to their house. I was going to stay back this weekend though, I called them this morning but I am not sure if they told the school yet.” I say, avoiding the fact that I didn’t really have parents. “No parents?” He then asked bluntly, glancing towards me from the side. I kept my eyes trained on the concrete sidewalk below me, nodding no. “I see.” He says, glancing back in front of him. “Here we are.” He says as we begin to approach a small diner ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

I copied him and got water too, he made me feel like almost everything I did would be judged or looked down upon by this guy. He can’t look down on my drink choice if I got water. Why did I even care? I  honestly have no fucking idea. Everything about this man was weird.

The way he dressed, the way he acted, the way he looked, and most importantly the way he made me feel.

He was sipping his drink timidly, his eyes pondering down on the booth’s cheap table. it was a tacky orange, and I could almost feel the hatred he already had for the color.

“So what are we going to do.” I find myself asking, the whole point of us coming here was to meet ends on his lack of money.

He continues to sip his water through the straw, the piercings on his lips sunk in his pale skin as he sucked.

I looked away, almost ashamed I payed so much attention to the details of his face. There were just so many, everything was just...different.

“You look at me weird.” He then says, placing his cold drink on the table, the ice clinks against each other in the white styrofoam cup.

My cheeks grow red, he completely bombarded my question. “You just have a weird face...thats all.” I murmured shyly, taking a sip of my own drink. I hoped the cold water would aid the sudden dryness of my throat, and cool my cheeks. It didn’t.

The man rolls his eyes, placing an elbow on the table to rest his cheek in the palm of his hand. He glances out the window, a tired peaceful look suddenly washing over his pale face. I wondered if I hurt his feelings, but he seemed to be impervious to everything that came out of my mouth.

“I don’t know what to do.” He says quietly, though this didn't take away from the tiresome frustration aching in his voice.

I look down at the orange table, it was practically giving me a headache at this point. Especially on top of this dreaded situation. The front of my car was probably ruined, and my grandparents were going to kill me for it. I place my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes hard.

After a few seconds I look back up, my vision now hazy from the rubbing.

He was looking at me now, his eyes kind of bright. As if that were even possible.

“Hanji.” He mumbles, rubbing a hand through his hair as his spirit lifts. “I’m such a dumbass, I’ll just call Hanji.” He says, his voice filled with hope

“Hanji?” I ask, who the hell was Hanji?

“She’s a friend of mine, she fixes cars. She can fix ours for no cost. I’ll just owe her one later.” He says more to himself than I think to me. My eyes widen at this.

Was he being serious? Surely he couldn't just have someone fix both of our cars for no cost without needing to do some heavy duty makeup work.

“I can call her, she can get Mike to tow it back.” He says as he pulls out his phone. It is small and much cheaper than mine.

I wonder how poor this guy really was, I mean there wasn't that much wrong with it, having something like an Iphone was more of a luxury.

I only wondered if he did something bad to get him where he was, or if he still does bad things.

He dialed a number and then brought the phone to his ear.

It wasn't long until the muffled rings coming through the earpiece of the cell phone stopped and a woman’s voice answered.

“Can Mike come tow two cars for me?” He asks casually. His face was stone, it was always stone.

I wondered if he made it that way for a reason, or if he just wore it like that because he couldn’t help it. “Yea I kind of got rear ended by some kid.” He begins to explain to who I presumed was this Hanji person. “Next month I will have enough, you’re not my mom, so stop fucking acting like it.” He then spat into the receiver, anger laced in his uncomfortably smooth voice.

I shift in my seat, taking another sip of the water. Why did he make me feel so weird? It got in the way of my train of thought.

“I will repay you somehow, I just need you to this so this shit can go home and forget anything ever happened.” He sighs into the phone, his tone softening.

I almost felt hurt by this, if he were someone normal, I would have stood up and punched him. His eyes then look up to me, just as green as they were when I first saw him. “I never get in situations like this, you know it. It wasn't even my fault.” He then tells Hanji, and now I can hear the her on the other line fussing. “Yea I get it, bye.” He finished as the muffled yells stay the same, obviously not consenting in any good-byes. He shut his phone, shoving it back in his pocket.

Did he just hang up on her? He must have just been an asshole all the time.

It made no sense that a dick like him could even come close to getting us a free card in this situation. It seemed unlikely that he even had friends in the first place.

“What are you swooning over?.” He asks angrily, taking notice in my staring. “A tow truck in coming to get the cars, Mike will have to take two trips to get both cars, so we will be dropped off the first time he comes.” He then explains before placing a wad of bundled up bills on the table.

He was standing now, and was already on his way out the door. I push myself out of my seat, attempting to catch up to him before he left the diner.

‘“Wait!” I say, my voice came out louder than expected and he was still walking out.

I chase him out into the street, when I walk out I feel the cool evening air hit my flushed face. “Didn't you fucking hear me? I said wait!.” I yell, feeling myself heat up even more with frustration. What the hell was up with this guy?

He turns around, an annoyed look on his face.

“What now?” He asked, sounding like I was such a bother to him. I clench my jaw, feeling my breath speed up as my anger boils over. “Why the hell are you such an asshole? This situation wouldn't be nearly as shitty if you weren't being such a jerk to everyone!.” I then yell at him.

His eyes narrow at this, and suddenly I expect to be thrown down on the ground again.

He steps forward, and I flinch. I move my head to the side as his face grows close. I can now feel his breath on my cheek.

Now I  really felt uncomfortable.

“So I’m an asshole now?” He asks, his voice holding an insidious tone. “Would an asshole do this?” He then asks, dropping his gaze;  and with that I felt his hand firmly grab hold of the back of my head, tilting my face back to where it faced his.

I didn't even have time to respond and his lips had pressed against mine.

My skin then went hot and my eyes went so wide they hurt.

I tried to push him off, but his firm hold on my head wouldn't break nor budge.

His lips were so soft.

_I hate this._

I could feel his lip piercings on my chin.

_fuck you._

His green eyes were slightly open, and he was staring brazenly into mine

_let go of me now._

He then lets go.

I stumble back gasping for air before tripping on the curb behind me. I land on my butt on the sidewalk behind me. Did anyone see us? Did he even care?

“What the fuck was that?!” I yell, rubbing my frazzled lips. He stood there smugly, an eyebrow cocked up. “I’m not that much of an asshole you know.” He now sighs.

Well, he wasn't wrong.

Yet he surely was not right.

“Stop acting like it was bigger than it was, I only kissed you.” He then says bluntly, looking past me and up the road. It was completely vacant, and the street lights were now on. “We better get back to the cars before it gets any darker.” He then says walking over to me.

He reached a hand out to me, and I reluctantly take it.

When I get on my feet I put some distance in between us just in case he were to try anything else. “I’m not going to kiss you again if that’s what you think, I wouldn't really want to anyways.” He tells me, taking in notice in the sudden distance between us; and his words somehow hurt me.

I should hate him right now, I should hate him with every ounce in me, but I don’t.

All I knew is that he just kissed me, and other than that my entire self was in a giant muddle. My cheeks felt so red and hot it was incredibly uncomfortable, and the cool fall air didn't help that fact at all.

I just wanted to go to bed,

I wanted to go back to my dorm

and go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in a day so it is kind of shitty, I am hoping to get to some frickle frackle some time soon so yay


	3. Chapter 3

 

When we finally got back to the cars there was a large tow truck in the street. My car was hauled on the back, and I could see a blond guy with lots of dark scruff around his face sitting up in the driver’s seat. It was getting really dark now, and Levi didn't even bother to say anything to me since we began walking over here from the diner.

To be completely honest, I still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. I mean, I've never really kissed a guy before. I've only had two girlfriends in my lifetime, and they were just minor meaningless relationships that ended short of a few months. They were barely even memorable, having one of them was during middle school; a period I still pray every night that I might wake up with no memory of those years.

Yet every time I've ever kissed a girl, it never felt like **_that_** , how Levi's lips soft lips had felt against mine. It made me feel horrible, facing that fact over and over again as the memory kept flipping back over itself in my brain.

I surely wasn't gay, I mean I never found men physically attractive, I never gave myself the chance to think about it.  I could be easily turned on by girls and stuff...at least I thought I was. I hated the thought of having to be only attracted to guys, that wasn’t me/

Yet the more I thought about it the more I realized how much I enjoyed it, kissing him. Kissing him as a guy.

My heart had not stopped racing, and then his words after he kissed me came back into play "I'm not going to kiss you again." He had said, his voice bitter as beer. "It's not like I wanted to anyways." and then the shame flushed in, forcing me to want to over and over cringe in utter embarrassment.

I wanted him too, as much as I hated it I liked it. I liked his lips, I liked his weird pierced face. He looked like a lost child in a man's skin, if that even made any fucking sense in the least.

I bring my hands to my face, pressing both of my palms hard against my eyes as we walk up to the side of the large truck. I was so fucking confused right now, I didn't know what I liked or didn't anymore. The only thing I could feel were his soft pale lips, and my pounding heart.

Then in the midst of it all, just when I thought he was about to open up the passenger door, he spins around. Now facing me, he reaches around my neck, grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling me towards him, at this point I didn't know the slightest clue of what to expect from him.

"Now answer this question honestly, don't try lying to me either." He says thoroughly, he was looking dead into my eyes, a hell lot more than he usually does.

I didn't dare think of lying, because deep down I knew he would be able to tell. I wasn't willing to face those kinds of consequences either. It was enough facing him as someone in pure innocence.

"Will you be calling the cops? Yes or no." He asks, his luminous green eyes locking onto mine. They seemed to almost glow through the night, like a cats or some shit. My throat goes dry, I honestly had no other choice, and I had to at least look like I mean it. What could it harm anyways, if things play out as he says it should fine.

"N-no, sir." I find myself saying, I would do anything to just get him to leave me alone already, **_anything_**. Even if it meant taking away what I wanted to do, and not only lying that I would but meaning it. He would know who turned him in if I did, and I knew that wasn't a grudge he would give up willingly.

"If you do, good luck. That's all I have to say to you other than that." He then responds letting go of the back of my sweater before turning to now face the truck.

He then swings the passenger door to the tow truck open, jumping inside beside the blonde guy. I rub the back of my neck which felt hot and sore from his hold, the neck of my sweater was probably stretched out by the way he grabbed onto it so tightly.

I sigh bringing my hand back in front of me to climb up to the passenger seat beside him. This would have looked much smoother but I had stepped up eyelevel to the seat only to find that there was no more room for me to sit up front. I look at the lack of space, awkwardly staying in my place, unknowing on how to handle the situation.

Levi glances over, and the blonde guy was looking over at Levi, I could see him expecting what Levi would say next like it were second nature to him.

"I'm sorry but do you want to sit on my lap that badly? Because the fact that you pretended to disregard that there is a back seat is disgustingly obvious" He sneers, and for some stupid ass reason his words hurt me,

My cheeks burn, anger and embarrassment now overwhelming me as I stepped down and opened the back seat door that I somehow didn't see. I guess I was caught up in being held too tight, in being kissed too hard.

God, why was I I so stupid sometimes? I then reluctantly climbed in the back seat, shutting the door and fastening my seat belt as we set off.

This day wasn't even comprehensible at this point, all of it seemed to be a mush of confusion and embarrassment. No one spoke when we got back onto the main road.

“You know, you don’t have to always be such an asshole to people.” The blonde guy suggests casually. He had broken the silence in the car only for it to quickly return. These was also the first words I've heard him say. “The poor kid probably feels like shit for hitting your car enough already.” He adds after Levi wouldn't respond. I couldn’t see Levi’s face from this angle because I was sitting directly behind him.

Levi still refused to respond, which I guess he did something like roll his eyes or shrug as one. I then see him roll down the window, and a fume of tobacco soon hits my nostrils short after. How did this guy let Levi just ignore him like that? I would have given him a piece of my mind, even it it meant resulting in nearly getting another concussion.

“Hey kid, what’s your name?” The blonde guy then asks as we soon drive down the main road, quickly passing the diner Levi and I had just been at.

“It’s Eren.” I answer, trying not to show that my voice was shaking. I can see him nod, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

“Nice to meet you Eren, sorry for the inconvenience of my friend here, but we’ll get your car in the shop and start on it first thing tomorrow.” He says reassuringly.

His tone was a million times softer than Levi’s and it made things way less uptight in the car.

I could see Levi’s hand hang out of the passenger window now, flicking off the ash from the tip of his cigarette.

“Inconvenience?” I then hear Levi ask crudely. “He’s the one who rear ended me at a stop sign.” He says, bringing his hand out of the window to take a drag before setting it right back where it was before. “It wouldn’t be nearly as an inconvenience with your shitty attitude, not everyone is as patient as us you know.” Mike responds angrily, sounding more like a mother than a friend of the mans.

I can hear Levi scoff before bringing his hand back out of the window to take another long drag.

Who was this ‘us’, you can’t possibly tell me this douchebag had friends? I was surprised he even had people who would answer his phone.

“I was a month shy of getting insurance, fuck off.” Levi groans carelessly.

Who the hell did this guy think he was?

Mike switched the subject after that, I think to something about tattoos or a subject of that sort. I stopped paying attention after that. I was too busy trying to organize my thoughts.

How I would get to my house? where they were taking me?

Most importantly: How the hell they would get my car fixed by Monday?

I didn’t even want to get started on school. I had a shitload of work, and Christmas break wasn't for another three weeks.

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I just wanted to go back to my dorm, was that really too much to ask?

\--------

When we finally get to our destination I step outside the car as if I had been trapped inside the whole time. Mike had pulled into a small parking lot to what looked like your average car fix-up shop. Except, it looked a lot cheaper to be completely honest. The white paneling on the sides was peeling off, and oil stains splotched the concrete ground all over.

Levi and Mike walked side by side with me nervously following from behind.

There were a few garages sitting side by side, in which one was opened, a loud buzzing sound coming from the cheap lights on inside.

A brunette woman was sitting at a card table smothered with paperwork in the corner, a red junk car sat in the middle of the garage, lifted up on one side to where you could see oil stains dripping from the underside and on the floor, adding to the large collection of stains.

When we walked inside the garage she looks up, her eyes framed by brown, thick rimmed glasses.

She was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, both stained from oil and grease. Her hair was sloppily put up in a ponytail, some shorter layers of it framing the sides of her tanned face.

“This must be the poor fellow.” She smiles, her eyes glued to me as her face lit up.

I was surprised Levi even had friends in the first place, I was even more surprised that they were actually unusually nice.

“Yes, this is Eren, he accidentally rear ended Levi.” Mike then introduced, stepping over to now stand next to the woman. Levi was now standing next to me in front of the table. He then flicked his cigarette to the ground before rubbing it into the ground with his shoe.

“Well, sorry for all the trouble this evening, I am sure you have a place to get back to.” The woman then says, stacking up some papers that were splayed out on the table and placing them in the corner in the far corner.

“Levi will take you home now, and he can drive you over your car before Monday.” She then says, smiling brightly. I can see Levi tense beside me, she must have not asked him to do these things beforehand, maybe it was apart of some punishment.

Hell, he sure did deserve one.

“Before I forget, I’m Hanji.” She adds, standing up from the card table and walking up to me with her hand out for me to shake.

I nervously shake it back, trying to fake a small smile, she hands me a business card after.

“Just call the number for questions, Levi will write down your address when he takes you back to your folks.” She informs kindly. I nod my head yes, looking down at the small card. ‘Scout Car Repairs’ It read in bold font at the top, underneath was a phone number and address with ‘Hanji Zoe’ in parenthesis.

I look then look back up to her, she is still smiling like she did when we approached. It isn’t one of those cheesy fake ones either, it was genuine. “Thank you.” I find myself saying, almost feeling guilty for not approaching her as kindly as she had. “ Oh It’s no trouble! But this guy here...Well, he’s another story.” She laughs, glancing over at Levi, who looks much less than pleased at the moment. “He’s always such a grumpy pants, but he’s a good guy once you get to know him.” She explains, now stepping to his side and placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder. I wondered if they were dating, but honestly, I couldn’t see this man being involved with anyone.

“Can I just take the kid home now?” Levi then asked impatiently, his eyes darkening, I can tell she was embarrassing him. “Go for it, the sooner he can get home the sooner we can go to bed, then that's the sooner you can come over and help fix up these cars!” She says sprightly, shoving a hand in her jean pocket to retrieve a ring of keys. “Take my car.” She then says to Levi, tossing the keys to him. He nods, holding them in his fist before turning back to the parking lot. “It was nice meeting you!” She exclaims excitingly, waving me a goodbye.

“You too.” I say, nervously waving back. Mike waved too, flashing a small smile before turning to Hanji. They began talking as Levi and I walked out of the garage and back out into the parking lot.

He led me to a car not parked far from the tow truck and unlocked it. I then hopped in the passenger seat as he got in the drivers and started it up.

He was silent when we backed out of the parking lot, it was not until we were five minutes down the main road when he decided to finally speak to me.

“So where is this school you live at.” He asks, breaking the cold silence of the car.

I turn my head from the window to look at him. His piercings reflected against the street lights despite how dark it was outside, reminding me how many of them he had.

“It’s really far from here.” I tell him nervously. It had to be a three hour drive at the least, I didn’t even think about the time it would take to get back until now.

“Tell me how long.” He insisted, sounding much more demanding now.

“Uh...three hours....at the least.” I say quietly and hesitantly, but I knew he heard me because I saw his jaw tense.

“I’m not taking you this late, and you're sure as hell not driving this car.” He then says, almost humorously to himself. I get frustrated by this response, a good guy huh? Isn’t that what Hanji had just referred to him as? So far, there was nothing good about this asshole, nothing at all.

“Where the hell am I going to go then?!” I ask angrily. Is he just going to kick me out on the streets? honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he did.

He sighs, sounding too tired to react to my sudden burst of anger. “You can just stay at my place for the night, once Hanji and Mike fix your car you can just drive back on your own. I don’t have the kind of money for gas, and if Hanji sees that I made you pay for it she won’t give me my car back.” He explains, tired frustration laced deep in his voice.

Hanji must really be as nice as she presented herself, I wasn’t surprised. Does that mean she was right about Levi being a good guy? Maybe she was just saying it to reassure me. How the hell am I suppose to know anyways?

I glance out the window, watching the traffic beside us get thicker as we drove closer uptown. “What were you doing all the over here anyways?” Levi then asks, his tone softening slightly. I gulp remembering my purpose to coming, I didn’t want to tell him. It would be hard enough telling a normal person, so telling this guy was out of the question. Somehow I told him, somehow the words slipped out like they held no meaning. Yet they did, and for once I said them without crying right after. “My mom, her grave. It’s uptown.” I murmur, my voice only coming out as an embarrassing whisper.

I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. I feel relieved he doesn’t, I didn’t want his input. I didn’t even know why I was being honest with his in the first place. I look back out the window, succumbing to the quiet car once more.

 

\----------

It had only taken maybe twenty minutes to pull in what looked like a tall apartment complex. It looked relatively new, but judging from the crappy looking cars in the parking lot I could tell he didn’t have enough money to pay rent for any nicer place.

When he pulled in an open spot he put the car in park, taking the keys out of the ignition. He slid them in his pocket, sighing softly right after. The headlight had flicked off, and the only source of light were the tall street lights planted in front of the parking spaces.

It was late, already 11 pm actually. At least that's what the clock on the car said before he turned it off.

I wondered if he was going to rush out of the car like he seemed to always do, but he just sat there in the dark silence, his piercings still captivating the little light coming from outside the car.

“I’m sorry.” His voice breaks the silence, this time it isn’t annoyed, or pissed. it was unusually soft, but still firm enough to belong to him. My mouth nearly gapes open, why the hell is he apologizing? What is he even apologizing for? I look down at the floor board, scared he would look to me for a response.

I didn’t want to look at him, I didn’t want to face those cold green eyes that seemed to constantly make me uncomfortable.

He didn’t say anything else after that, and my racing mind took away from the silence of the car. “W-why are you sorry?” I then ask, my voice shaking slightly. I hated the fact that this guy made me feel so damn nervous, it never stopped, the way he spoke to me, the way I reacted. This has been a never ending cycle since I ever even met him.

He sighs again, now turning his face towards me. I could see now those dreaded green eyes through my peripheral vision. Yet I still refused to meet them with mine.

I cup my hands over my knees, trying to prevent them both from shaking. It was like I couldn't help this nervousness, like he had now taken complete control over my body.

“I’m sorry for throwing you on the ground earlier, and being kind of an asshole to you for something that didn’t really matter in the first place.” He says, letting his relieved words out like he would after taking drag.

For starters, he wasn’t ‘kind of’ being an asshole, he was being a complete asshole, at least up until now when he decided to apologize. “I don’t deserve those people who are fixing your car, I don’t deserve a lot of people, and you don't deserve to be associating with me, even after such a dumb ass mistake like that. so I'm sorry.” He then says, his words almost sounding desperate when I hear them. 

I wondered if he was even saying this, I wondered if this day even happened. Honestly, this all felt like a horribly weird dream. I didn’t know whether I should respond or not, quite frankly I didn’t even know how to. His apology was pained, coming from his mouth. Yet it was genuine, as genuine as I could expect from a stone hearted man he had proved himself to be.

He was still looking at me, so I looked finally gave in and looked back at him, quickly regretting it once my eyes met his. God, they even shined out here in the dark, bright pale green, a color that seemed to have been embedded in my brain at this point.

His skin was pale like a child's, and his piercings didn’t give justice to that fact. He looked lost, lost in my gaze, like he was trying to find something out of me. 

His lips were pale like his skin, but full enough to where you could still distinguish them. His tee-shirt was swooped down lower than it was before, an obvious sign that the space it left in the back had migrated to the front, now exposing a larger portion of his chest.

It was just as pale and soft looking as his face, and his prominent collarbones disappeared under the dark and thin loose fabric. My heart sped up as I examined him through the pale darkness, I was almost surprised he didn’t say anything about it this time. Like he accepted me, like he didn’t mind that my mind was swarming with just him.

“Don’t apologize when you don’t even know me.” I found myself finally saying, the words coming from my throat like I had known them the whole time.

“You don't need to.” I repeat, trying to get him to look less lost, but he still seemed to be caught in the same abyss he had been this whole time. His eyebrows lifted slightly, the darkness under them vanishing slightly.

Then I leaned forward, I didn’t know what had gotten into me. I looked down at his lips. His soft pale lips that rudely pressed against mine just earlier today. They looked so innocent now, like they haven’t touched anyone else’s before. My heart raced even faster as I stared at the round silver piercings under his plump bottom lip.

My eyes were wide, so wide I was afraid they would pop out. Not to mention I was trembling, everything on my body was trembling, especially my lips as they grew closer to his. He stared at me, not budging an inch. His green eyes absorbed mine, filling with something much different, something I wouldn't be able to define even if I tried. 

I took this as an invitation, leaning even closer, my anxiety of it all not wavering the slightest. Our lips were just barely touching now, and fuck, his were so soft. He had kissed me unexpectedly last time, so now it was my turn. That's the only thing my brain could focus on at this point. With that I use the rest of my sweet courage to tilt my head and press my lips against his completely. My hands were reaching over the middle console, leaning forward as I attempted to kiss him further. Yet the closer I tried to grow I couldn’t help the seat belt that was still clicked over my torso was restraining me against doing so.

I wasn't strong enough to defy it's hold on me, and instead of continuing the kiss I take in a nervous breath. My muscles give out from the seat belts restraint, and I succumb, sitting back in my seat as I catch my breath from the excitement of it all.

My cheeks burned hard scarlet when I realize what I had just done, redder than they had been all day, and that was really fucking red. He was staring at me now, and I refused to look back at him again. Then I heard his seat belt unbuckle, a sure sign he wanted for me to unbuckle mine. At least that's what I thought he wanted me to do.

I didn’t know what had gotten in me, what kind of twisted nature that possessed my body to encourage me to do these kinds of things. Yet maybe it was the touch of someone else, not being alone.

I always felt stuck inside my own head, but when he kissed me, when I kissed him, it was like the entire idea of being alone had just vanished from existence.

 I then unbuckled my own seat belt, quickly leaning back over to him, meeting hard gaze once more.

His eyes were looking for something different now, something he had already knew where to find. My heart skips a beat as I feel his hands reach around the back of my neck, encouraging me to kiss him again. I lean forward, our lips touching, my stomach now flips upside down when the warm softness of his mouth quickly returns to mine.

I now close my eyes, relaxing slightly as I let his lips devour mine. I then feel his tongue slide along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I open my mouth slightly, allowing his warm, soft tongue push itself deep into my mouth.

I forgot about the three piercings he had on his tongue, and they made me jump when they clacked against my teeth. My eyes opened abruptly at that point, but his brilliant green ones had opened just at the same time it seemed, only relaxing back into place. His tongue then explored my mouth deeper, and I could feel the smooth bottom part of his piercings as my tongue grazes the bottom of his own.

My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears, but it didn't fade the sounds of our kisses, or the heaviness of our breath. Levi then moves his head back from mine, breaking the kiss. A string of saliva connects my tongue with his pierced one, and I soon felt a wave of embarrassment after. Yet when I see his eyes it disintegrates, my stomach quickly lurching with excitement as he looked up at me, his pale cheeks now flushed bright pink.

He seemed to be turned on by this, that’s how it looked by the way he had looked at me. He then eagerly pulled me forward, his hands still firmly placed on the back of my neck.

“Come.” He says huskily, his eyes almost begging me to move over to his side of the car. I reluctantly climb over the middle console, and he had now practically yanked me down into his lap. My legs were now folded underneath themselves as I straddled either sides of the man’s hips.

His pale lips were parted, and the piercings on his tongue were crudely visible. I then quickly put my mouth on his, feeling his tongue eagerly push back in. I couldn't control myself at this point, his mouth was like a drug when it touched me. All I wanted to do was kiss him like this over and over again.

Every kiss, every time his tongue and piercings touched a new part of mouth I felt myself grow harder, my skin growing redder. His hands migrated their way up to my hair, his fingers lacing through it and tilting my head down for his mouth to gain more access. I let out a soft moan as he pressed his mouth harder against mine. I could now feel hot drool running down the corner of my mouth, making me even more flushed. I was too flustered to stop though, this all just felt too sweet.

He then leans farther forward, and I knew he did it because he wanted me to moan more. My back then pressed against hard the steering wheel, letting out a long honk from the horn.

“Mmm!” I jump, breaking our kiss, drool continuing to run down my lips as Levi jolts back from the loud sound as well. His face was probably as red as mine, I then feel him under me, growing hard as his eyes continued to stare into me. Was he just now beginning to get hard? Did all that kissing not even phase him? I had no idea, maybe he was use to this sort of thing. Yet if he were, why would he only grow hard when he was only staring at my face like that?

“Mmm...Sorry.” He pants, carefully wiping off his wet mouth. “No, you're fine.” I answer nervously, wiping my mouth with my sleeve as well, adjusting slightly as I felt his hardness grow more underneath me. I was already completely hard, and his growing erection was only encouraging it to begin hurting. “Shit.” I breathe nervously, looking down to see that it was more than obvious to see through the crotch of my pants. “Let’s go inside.” Levi then suggests, looking down at me as well.

I felt embarrassed that he saw how hard I was from the kissing, especially since he had only just now began to grow stiff underneath me. The insides of my thighs were practically sweating nowknowing what was going on just underneath them.

I nod, opening the door to stumble out.

The cold air tings my skin, and it wasn’t until now that I realized how hot it felt in that car.

Levi gets out from behind me, shutting the door and locking it. He then leads me up to the building, and I had thanked god he was only on the second floor when he pressed the round white button with a bold 2 beside the door of the elevator.

`I didn’t know how I would stand waiting much longer, so when we got out of the elevator and made it to the front of his door I had already begun to start kissing him. First the back of his neck as he fumbled with the lock, nervously placing my lips on the piercing just where his neck curved into his shoulders.

When he opened the door he turned around, breaking my lips from his neck and yanked me in, shutting and locking it behind me. I looked around at his room, and to my surprise it was extremely clean.

There was a kitchen in the far corner, a small table and some chairs. There was a couch in the center of the room, facing the other wall with a small flat screen mounted against it. There was small hallway at the back of the room, leading to two other doors. He practically pushed me into one of them, which obviously led to his bedroom.

He had a full sized bed sitting in the middle, a light blue duvet neatly spread across. I was quickly pushed back into the bed, and it sunk my back in making me feel a little let anxious.

I examined the room, in which there were a small window to the side, nothing visible but the black sky from my point of view.

My attention was then directed to him. He crossed his arms over the bottom hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Soft pale abs rippled down his stomach, and another silver piercing glimmering over his belly button.

My stomach fluttered at the sight, never had I thought I would feel this way about a guy’s body. Especially a guy like Levi. He folds the shirt, placing it on the small black dresser sitting across from the bed against the plain white wall.

A square mirror sits above the dresser, and I could see my flushed reflection sitting back on the bed, and Levi’s muscular back as he faced me.

This guy must have been really clean, considering he decided to fold and put up his shirt despite the situation. It baffled me, what seemed to be a careless mean guy like him cared about cleanliness much more than I did.

He was now crawling up onto the bed, then on top of me to where our faces finally met. I felt my heart speed up again, my erection feeling more uncomfortable the longer I waited for him to do something.

 “You’re a virgin.” He says audaciously.

“N-no.” I say, my voice shaking with nothing but dumbfounded embarrassment.

He was right though, I was most definitely a virgin.

“Don’t lie to me, not right now.” He then said leaning his forehead against mine. “Lie to me when it matters.” He adds, his words burning into my brain. He then uses his hands to spread my legs out around his hips.

I gasp, noticing our hard-ons were now directly touching each other, I wished to take my pants off already but I didn’t want to look that eager.

“Look at you.” He then says as he looks down at our touching crotches. “I made you so hard didn’t I?” He tells me, his voice sending chills down my spine. “I-I didn't- mean to.” I tell him, as if it were a bother to him. He looks back up at me, his eyes igniting more fire in my stomach.

“Of course you didn’t.” He says, his hand snakes down, pressing against me. I squeeze my eyes shut as he began to feel me through my pants.

“Le-Levi...Mmm!” I practically beg for the teasing to stop, but his hand still gently rubs up and down over my pants. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on by anything anymore.

I mean, I couldn’t even see straight anymore. Any moment I tried to train my on something his hand would press a little harder against me, and my vision would blur as my hips stirred.

He then sits back on his feet, reaching a hand out to me, like when he helped me up from the ground the past two times today. Except I was sitting up, except I wasn’t afraid.

It was insane how we ended up like this, all in one day, and here I was in his bed with the biggest hard-on I think I've ever had.

I take his hand, sitting up to be just inches from his torso. His fingers then grab the hem of my shirt, assisting with pulling it over my head. Once off, he quickly folds tossing it onto the nightstand beside the foot of the bed. I did not notice it were there since I had been looking away from the bed this whole time.

His hands then push my chest back down, and I lie back on the bed like before. Now his fingers were unbuttoning my pants and yanking them down my legs. I helped him kick them off, and once they were he folded them and stacked them on top of the shirt.

“Do you really have to fold them?” I find myself asking, desperately trying to get back to kissing like we had in the car.

“Yes I do.” He says firmly. I groan in annoyance, eager to just get on with this already. He then looked down at me, my much larger body was splayed across the bed underneath him.

My throbbing erection was obvious under my underwear, and he made sure to take no time in lying back down on top of me. His lips then returned to mine, and I soon felt his pierced tongue returning the taste of him to my mouth.

His hands were on either side of me as he planted a kiss against the corner of my mouth, then my jaw, and then my neck. I left out another embarrassing moan as he began to gently just above my collar bone. It tickled at first, but the moment I felt his tongue lick the spot my body grew feverish.

His hands then began touching over my chest as he continued to lick and suck under my chin. “ah-ow!”

I went into a small panic when he abruptly pinched at my nipples, it actually hurt. “You really are a virgin, this should be fun then.” He says, his eyes lighting up at his new discovery. I grow slightly nervous at these words, but it quickly evaporates into thin air as he then leans down, beginning to kiss one of the pink nubs while softly rubbing the other.

They immediately went hard and a soft whimper left my mouth when his warm tongue softly flicked over it. The piercings felt crucial, and when he began to suck at it softly my lower back lifted high in response.

“Wh-why does th-that feel...so...good?” My struggling voice asks.

Levi doesn’t respond, but I know he heard my question because his lips sucked harder right after I asked. Then his warm tongue gently flicked back over it. The warm and wet presence of his pierced tongue relaxed me, but when he sucked, it only made them aggravatingly harder.

“You’re so hard here.” He then says before blowing hot air on it, and his words with the air made it even harder. “haa!” I whimper louder this time, my hips pulling back as my back arches once more.

“You’re even harder here.” He then whispers, his hand leaving my other nipple to touch over my dick. “Hmph, I bet I can make you purr like a fucking cat.” He hums under his breath.

It was throbbing under his cupped hand, and my hips naturally pressed into his hand when he touched it. “I-I can’t help it.” I say, my breath staggering as the presence of his hand goes away.

“You barely have any control.” He scolds teasingly, now using both his hands to firmly press my raised my hips down.

“And you’re feeling this so much.” He adds, his sweet voice swirling around in my brain, muddling my thoughts together even more.

I couldn’t think straight for even half a second at this point.

He then leans back down, now kissing at my belly button, then below it. I catch my breath as his kisses soon reaches my hip bone. He stops there, letting his lips sink around over the raised bone, then licking over it.

His fingers were now playing with the elastic band to my underwear, pulling them down ever so slightly; where a new part of my skin was exposed.

“Please.” I beg, my chest rising as he looked up at me, his eyes filled with nothing but lust.

His hands then pushed down my underwear, grasping my throbbing dick and gently pulling it out. Precum was already to rise over the tip, and when he placed his lips at the tip all the air had been sucked out of me.

“L-Levi!” I say, my voice shaking with astonishment. He looked into my eyes as he swirled his tongue around the tip, his piercings only adding to the completely lewd sensation. “Levi! Please! Stop…..St-.” I was cut off when he slipped me in his mouth, slowly pressing me all the way in. “Gaaah!” I cry out as his lips reach the base, and the piercings on his tongue press deep against the back.

He swallowed, and I knew it was more precum, god, why did I have to be so disgusting and already be releasing stuff into his mouth?

“Levi….ple-please…..stop….I-It’s..gross!” I practically beg him. Yet he refuses to listen, and he stares into my eyes as he begins pumping my dick in and out of his mouth.

My entire body tingled with the most intense pleasure as he continued the movement. “Levi p-please, I’m close!” I beg again, my voice bounces off the walls, and so do the sloppy sounds of him sucking me off.

He takes a longer time to pull his soft lips from the base to the tip this time. I shudder, hot tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I had only began to succumb to the complete pleasure that took over my body. I grabbed at his hair, trying to somehow convince him to stop before I came.

This seemed to only urge him on more, and with that he began sucking harder.

“No!...haa!” I moan from the feeling, I couldn’t even help the embarrassing sounds coming from my mouth at this point. He then brings his mouth off of me. His hand still firmly holding me at the base. I look at him watch a drop of more precum form at the tip before slowly trickling all the way down to the base. “uhm!” I moan loudly as he held me captive, only to painfully watch myself be restrained from coming all the way. “So dirty, Eren. You really almost came didn’t you. Good thing I stopped you.” He said, his voice only making more precum form at the tip.

Once he lets it pool down to the base, he stops it from traveling even more with his tongue, slowly tracing it, lapping it up all the way back to the tip. I was dripping with sweat now “Uhmm!.” My mouth gapes open as nothing but incoherent moans escape my mouth, they were much louder this time.

When he gets to the tip he wraps his soft mouth around it, quickly pressing me back in his mouth, this time harder than he did before. He tightly pulls back, and presses me deeper in his mouth. My back then lifts high off the bed, my head pushing back into the pillow as I moan out in complete pleasure. My skin was tingling hot and I somehow managed to keep looking at those brilliant eyes of his as I came hard into his mouth.

His eyes stayed locked on mine as I came, and I felt my fluids fill his mouth as they dripped down his chin. He slows down his pace, riding me out as the pressure of his mouth softens. He then brings his mouth off of me, his eyes looking into my watery ones and swallowed.

I gaped at him “Levi...That’s disgusting…” I nearly scold. Noticing he had swallowed all of my cum.

I quickly sit up still panting from my orgasm, trying to rub the cum off his chin the best I can. My fingers brushed over his lip piercings. He quickly grasps my hand, licking up all he could with his tongue.

“There is nothing disgusting about that.” He then points before licking his lips.

“You look like a clean guy, why would you want to do that!” I ask, my voice cracking as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. “Did I make a mess? Exactly, it isn't dirty.” He says, justifying his lewd behavior. “You actually taste pretty good.” He then adds, only to make my face even more scarlet.

I was looking down, shit, he still had a boner. I feel myself get angry, he even still had his pants on. “Now it’s your turn.” I then tell him, pushing my dick back in my underwear. My skin turned to prickly Goosebumps when I felt his cold saliva and my own cum on it, only making me even more red. He truly was disgusting, in his own personal way. No matter how much he smelled like soap, he will never be able to hide that.

**He had to get a taste of his own medicine now, I insisted it.**


	4. Chapter 4

He had looked over at the door bringing his legs over to the side of the bed. I take a firm hold of his wrist, trying to stop him from leaving. "Where are you going? You're not done." I tell him, feeling myself grow a bit frantic at the thought of him already leaving.

He couldn't just embarrass me like that and leave!

I wouldn't have it. 

   "I can finish myself off later." His voice says quietly. I clench my jaw pulling harder on his arm. He didn't budge. "You can't just up and leave right in the middle!" I practically yell. This man frustrated me to no end, and that seemed to be the only fact I knew at this point. He then flashes me a look of inflamed surprise.

   "You've only known me for a day, do you not regret all of that just now?" He then asks, sounding annoyed by my ruthlessness. Regret? I mean, I guess if I waited a few days after what just happened, I would second guess the decision I made, maybe even go as far as regret it.

   Then again, I had never felt so amazing in my life with anyone like that before, and that was something I wasn’t able to let go. So how could I regret that? What just happened was obscene and horrible, and that could never be changed nor taken back; but I had never felt closer and lively with anyone like that before.

The feeling is so amazing it scares me, I've only just known the guy.

   The look he had earlier now overwhelms his face, the cold lost look. So many emotions and explanations to what he might be thinking and feeling swarmed around his green irises. I wanted to do all those things to him now, and much more. As much as I hated it, I wanted him so badly. I crawl closer to him, now straddling his lap as he still sat at the edge of the bed. His arms kept me from falling back, and I wrapped my own around the back of his head, feeling his soft undercut.

   "You don't owe me anything." He says, his cold, lost expression was not going anywhere. I swallow hearing his words echo through my brain. So he thought that I was doing this in return? I move my hands up the back of his head, grabbing onto longer hair towards the top. "You're right, I don't." I then tell him, lowering my gaze, trying to dig some kind of expression out of that face of his. "You owe me." I say, my tone deepening; and for once, out of this whole day I see his expression lighten. It was so slight, but it was there if you /really/ looked for it. I smile, kissing him with an open mouth.

   I was such an amateur at kissing, I knew that, but his tender lips invited my tongue in his mouth like I was the best. I wanted to see more come from his face, I wanted to see him vulnerable. I want to see him feel good, just the way I did, if not even better. I began sucking on his tongue, enjoying the piercings even more now that my mind was set on my goal. My hands graze his abs, feeling the soft, pale toned skin underneath my fingers was enough to make me hard again. I gently

   My fingers then trace up to his chest, smoothing across his collar bones. He watched me touch him, his face filled with confusion and lust. I wondered if I was touching him wrong, and soon I bashfully brought my hand away from his skin.

   "Why did you stop?" He asks, grabbing my wrist. He leans back on his other hand, allowing his upper body to be more exposed. "Y-you didn't look like you were enjoying it...that…much." I say nervously. My voices was weak, filled with hesitant desire. "It's not that." He then says, his eyebrows stitched. He reached out with a hand, taking it from the awkward air into his. He examined my hand, as if it didn't belong to me.

"No one’s ever touched me like that before." He then whispers, like what I had been doing was completely alien.

Well, if you looked at it bluntly, I was only admiring his body. It actually surprised me he had not been touched like that before. He was beautiful, his skin, every nook and cranny had not been disappointing so far.

That's why I wanted to see more of him, to see all of him.

   I eagerly start undoing his pants but his hands soon find my wrists to stop me. "I thought you were okay with this!" I say, protesting against him stopping me. "I am...just please....let me." He says, nervousness straining his voice. Why was he just /now/ getting stumped up? After all /that/ he just did to me...all the things he said to me while doing it. I obey, putting my hands to either side of me as he unbuckled his pants. "No." I tell him, crawling off of his lap. "What?" He then asked, looking up to me with a startled expression.

   "Take them all the way off, don't just undo them." I say. He looks at my face for a few seconds, he looked like a child with his eyes big and mouth parted. Damn, I was already hard again.

He looks down, slowly unbuckling and pushing his black jeans down his legs. Once off, he folds them as I continue to stand in front of him. He was now in nothing but black underwear, much too snug against his erection.

I fight the urge to lick my lips as he carefully begins to peel them down his legs.

I covered my mouth when I saw, god what were those?

I squint, trying to distinguish what was there on his…/you know/.

More small piercings lining his shaft were in in clear view now. He's looking up at me, his hands nervously on his thighs as his underwear is kicked off his ankles and falls the ground beside the bed. He doesn’t bother to pick it up and fold it this time.

"You don't want to now, do you? I told you I would take care of it." He tells me, his voice filled with more flustered and sulky emotion I've seen out of him all day.

"N-no it's n-not that." I say getting down on my knees to get a better look. The more I looked at them, the more I wanted to cringe from the thought of how painful getting that done would be.

Yet they still made my stomach feel tight. "Does it not hurt?" I ask, looking at the three pairs of piercings.

Typically I would have made fun of these sorts of things, weird dirty piercings in gross places. Yet somehow when I looked at Levi's they looked like a work of art. Even that sounded dumb in my head, but somehow I claimed it true.

I carefully reach out, placing my finger on his navel piercing. He sucks in a breath and I take my hand off, slowly moving it down to touch one of the small metal balls on his dick.

It was throbbing, and I was wondering if he had started hurting yet.

"They don't hurt, but watching you touch me like that that does." He then says huskily, answering my question. "Mm, sorry it's- just." I begin saying, but I'm too embarrassed to tell him. My cheeks grow red, and I can tell he was irritated at me for not telling him all the way.

   "It's just what?" He asks, now cross and leaning once more back onto his hands. I didn't realize how hard he was until now, which made me want to do this to him even more. "I want to do what you did to me…. just now." I finally find myself saying, avoiding his eyes as much as possible. My mouth was dry and I could feel him looking down at me. "I just don't know how to." I finally add before hesitantly looking back up to him.

   He looked surprised, extremely surprised actually…

   “Do they not.... _bother you_?” He asks. His face showed that he didn’t care too much whether. Yet somehow, deep down, I felt he actually did. I blush, looking over to the side. I didn’t want to answer him. He sighs, still leaning back on his hands, his erection still shamelessly in front of me.

 I then feel a hand tilt my chin back to where it faced his direction. I see his face again, but it’s the opposite of fury. "I'll walk you through it." He finally answers caringly.

   My heart heats up at this, knowing he wouldn’t make fun of me or embarrass me for this request. I almost half expected a snarky comment, but he actually answered me upfront. I wondered this as I carefully took grasp of his dick, feeling the metal piercings against my hand felt very bizarre but they weren’t anything I couldn’t get used to. I jumped slightly as I felt Levi’s hand wrap over mine, encouraging me to begin pumping him up and down.

  I swallowed, I didn’t want to do anything wrong or embarrassing, I almost regretted asking him for this in spite of that. I knew the basics of making a guy feel good, mainly because I am a guy, and also because Levi just gave a pretty good example of so. I tried pumping him a bit harder, the way I usually did to myself.

   I tried hitting the same spots and using the same speed, part of it was out of curiosity whether some of my preferences were common or not. To my disappointment, I wasn’t getting much of a reaction. Sure, he was hard, but his face was relaxed as he took his hand off of mine and continued leaning back on his hands against the bed. Watching as my pride slowly vanished in front of him.

   “Is this okay?” I ask, almost sounding irritated that I had not gotten that much of an expression out of him. I was now looking up at him, slowing my pace slightly. “No it’s fine, just keep going like that.” He says contently. I wanted more from him, more than that stupid cold face he always had. I looked back down, and pump him a little harder this time. To my surprise, I heard the man catch his breath from above. When I nervously glance up at him I see his cheeks are much redder than they were before, and his mouth was slightly parted.

   “What’s wrong?” He asks, his face turning back in only a matter of seconds, damn it. “It’s nothing….It’s just.” I begin to trail as I ponder my eyes back to his stiff member. My breath caught when I saw a dribble of precum form at the top. So it really _did_  feel good… I wasn’t really thinking after that, most of my thoughts were swarmed with the urge to taste it, to taste him.

   I had leaned down, instinctively licking his warm tip. Salty bitterness overwhelming my taste buds. It tasted good, just the thought alone that what I made him do was now in my mouth made me shudder in response. “Eren!” Levi scolds me when he sees what I am doing, but I refuse listen. I wrap my mouth around his tip more, carefully sucking the rest of the liquid up. His breath catches again, a soft breathless moan escaping his lips.

   More precum formed at the tip, and I press him in deeper as I try my hardest to swallow it up. “Stop swallowing it, I can clean it later!” He says, pulling at my hair as if I would actually listen. I was making him feel good, and he hated that. I was actually bringing him out of his control, which was something neither of us expected. My cheeks grow even redder when I push him in farther, each metal piercing becoming known by my tongue and mouth.

   I’ve never done this to anyone before, so when I reached the base I was too afraid I would do something to hurt him if I tried to pull him out. His hand were now gripping my hair, which didn't help the least with my newly grown boner.

"Keep going." He practically begged. "If you want to do this so bad...pull it out...and push it back in." His breath staggers. When I looked up I saw his abs tensing up as he breathed, his navel piercing nervously sucking in and out.

   I slide him out of my mouth, but not completely. My eyes squeeze shut as I try to swirl my tongue around his tip, unknowingly making him let out another held back moan. “I...thought you’ve never done this before.” He says, his words weak and bitter. “Mm… mm.” I couldn’t talk with him in my mouth like this, and that thought alone made me red with embarrassment.

   I carefully take my mouth off of him, but when I do I noticed a string of cum had connected from him to my lip. “Shit.” Levi then swore, and I look up at him, his cheeks are bright pink and he’s completely frazzled.

   He looked so vulnerable, as if that were even possible. His eyes were struggling to stay open as he watched me attempt to wipe my mouth off. I bring my head back towards him, my mouth opened wider to make it easier this time. Before I can bring him back into my mouth his hand presses against my forehead, pushing me back.

   "Stop." He says firmly, as if he had not been liking it in the first place. "What do you mean? You said I could!" I say, infuriated that he would just stop me now, right when I was actually getting comfortable.

    His face is flushed and resentful as he pushes himself up, snatching his pants from the bed, sliding them up his legs as he walked over to the doorway of the room. "Where the hell are you going?!" I ask, storming towards him and snatching his arm back.

   He spins around, nothing but dread and heat possessed that face of his now. His other arm comes around, grabbing hold of the back of my hair. "Don't fucking touch me, I said stop so we're done. What part of that didn't get through your head?" He scowls, his words piercing every part of me, making all the disgusting embarrassment grow inside of me. It was so strong that I thought I would have exploded from it all.

   "Fuck you." I spat, pushing him off of me. He doesn't respond, and he doesn't hit me back. He turns back around, opening the bedroom door. "I'm going out to pick up some stuff, if you run I'll find you, so don't even try." He says angrily as he walks out. I felt like I had been kidnapped, taken to be humiliated and beaten. He didn't beat me just then though, and he surely didn't beat me when he took me in his bedroom. Only before did he actually hurt me, when he was fuming and not kissing me all over.

   "Take a shower while I'm out." I then hear him holler, only for his voice to be followed by the slam of the front door. I walk out into the living space of his small apartment. It was so quiet in here now that he was gone, but not even the faint sound of the heater soothed my nerves. I then walked back to his room, picking my folded pants off the bed and pulling my phone out of the pocket.

   I hadn’t received any messages, which wasn’t much of a surprise considering it was nearly 1 am. Armin and Mikasa were typically asleep before now, considering we had winter exams coming up they were probably trying to catch up on their sleep before they began studying. I bring my pants and phone with me as I walk outside his bedroom. I assumed the other door across from the bedrooms was the bathroom, and I wasn’t surprised when I found out I was right. When I opened up the door I saw how clean it was, it was almost creepy how tidy his house was. Especially from someone who presents himself as he does.

  I open up a small towel closet in the corner of the bathroom, grabbing a soft white towel from a stack of several. Closing back the closet I reach behind his pale blue shower curtain and turn the knob.

 Water spurts out the shower head above, and I was lucky I were able to figure his shower out, there were labels for hot and cold on the knob. I roll down my underwear, I gasped when I saw my still throbbing erection. I guess I had expected for it to be gone by now, especially after such an embarrassing experience.

My body was still shaking from the shame of being pushed back, especially since I was doing _those_  kinds of things. I sigh, throwing the underwear onto the ground, my shirt was still in the bedroom. I turn off the shower, sneaking back into his bedroom.

   I felt even more ashamed that I didn’t bother putting any clothes on to retrieve my sweater, but he had just left so I guess it didn’t really matter all that much. It still felt weird, and the fact that I felt horrible over what had just happened. My sweater had fallen off into the ground on the other side of the bed, and when I bent down to grab it, a black binder sitting just underneath the frame caught my attention. I hesitate slightly, wondering how morally correct I was for snooping around his home. He kind of deserved it though, especially after that horrible situation he put me in. Damn him, he left me alone in his home, he’ll just have to pay the natural consequences. I slide the binder from under his bed a lie it on the comforter. It was thick and heavy, and I still felt weird about opening it.

What the hell was inside this? I mean it could have just been family photos or something harmless like that; but Levi didn’t seem like the type of guy who would have this big of a binder filled with family photos.

   I finally give in, carefully pushing the thin hard cover up with my fingertips. It was a laminated picture, a drawing actually. It was beautiful. A small vine was erected from the bottom of the white page, blacks and whites giving it perfectly blended value as it blossomed into a flower.

   Had he drawn this? Surely he couldn't have, I couldn't really see anyone drawing anything this beautiful. The entire picture blew my breath away, and this was coming from someone who was not that into art. I mean I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t ever a huge hobby of mine. I flip the picture over, it swings to the other side of the metal rings on the binder, the plastic lamination crinkling as it moves over.

   Another picture, this time if a woman. This one took a dark turn, especially compared to the last picture. Her face is round and pale, and she’s wearing Jeans and a T Shirt. She was skinny, but there were flaws on her skin, some bruises and scars, and under her eyes are dark and sunken. Nothing but a tired, careless expression overwhelming her face. On the side was a signature and I squint to read it fully.

**_Levi Ackerman_ **

It neatly read, all in full dark print. So he really _did_ draw these, I was completely astonished. I quickly flip to the next page. This picture was the most beautiful so far, I didn’t really know why, but it just was. I was brought into a trance as I stared at what was drawn.

   A pair of large wings, shark yet realistic were spread across the paper. One pair was black, and the other white outlined with black. It looked like a large badge, something to honor.  I stare at it more, digging out every perfect detail. The corner of the paper had been signed as well. I wondered what he drew these for, whether they were for himself or not, I wanted to know, but when the scenes from just minutes ago come into play I can’t help but cringe, shutting the book right after.

   I carefully slide it back where I found it under the bed. I then grab my shirt and leave for the shower. I wanted to know why this guy was so confusing, I wanted to know what he was hiding. I didn’t know who he was, and I surely didn’t know when I would be finally going home.

 


	5. Chapter 5

I let the hot water hit my hair, streaming down my face. I pulled it to the hottest temperature in desperate hope that it would wash away my horrible loss in pride.

In which the feeling of the hot water had been quite relieving, I still couldn't shake the memories of him pushing me back. Right when I was getting started, right when I thought things would relax. No, there was nothing relaxed about that. It was bad, it was ridiculous. I let it happen when I shouldn't have, I let him treat me like that when I could have stood my ground.

But; then again, it felt so good, fuck, it felt _so_  goddamn good. I rub my head, my boner immediately coming back into mind. I look down, how could I still have one? After all that shit, I was hard as a rock.

I my face flushes through the steamy shower, Levi still had not gotten back, and there was no other way to get rid of it.

I wasn't in the mood, quite the opposite actually. Yet when I grabbed hold of myself, the feelings seemed to return to my body like they were just there.

Him taking his shirt off, his sculpted collar bones, his hip bones poking out from under his tight underwear. His piercings, his naval piercing, his tongue piercings, his dick pierci- "Mm.....-haa!" I let out an uncontrolled moan, thrusting my hand up and down myself as I tried my best to get off. I didn't mean to make such a lewd sound, so when I realized what I had done I covered my mouth immediately after, redness rushing to my face. I didn't slow down my hand, and eventually I had to support myself against the shower with my other hand as I felt my knees grow incredibly weak.

Pleasure explodes in my lower abdomen as I came against the tile wall of the shower.

"Shit." I swear, using my hand free to wipe it down with the running water. _Shit…_

 

-

-

-

 

"Sleep in my bed, I'm fine on the couch." Levi tells me through the bathroom door as I step out of the shower. I jumped, not knowing he was home already. "Don't put your clothes back on either, they're disgusting. I put some clothes for you to wear on my dresser." He adds quickly after that, I was going to protest but I already heard his heavy footsteps leave from behind the other side of the door.

I sigh, glancing over towards the foggy bathroom mirror, my figure was barely visible. Yet somehow I could still see the fresh bruises on my neck from earlier. They didn't even hurt, I didn't even know he bruised me earlier when he was kissing me like that there.

I almost want to shiver from the memory, but my humiliation stops me.

Why the _hell_ did he push me back? Was it really that bad? Was I just making a complete idiot of myself?

I didn't know, and I lean over the small sink in front of the mirror, the heaviness of my breath exceeding. "Damn him." I mumble angrily to myself, I grip marble corners to the sink counter so hard my knuckles turn white.

 

-

-

-

His clothes fit me fine, which was interesting because he was much shorter than I was. Yet the larger sweatshirt and gym shorts I slipped on fit almost perfectly. Both smelled fresh and felt ridiculously soft. It was the kind of fresh smell that didn’t burn your nostrils when you inhaled, or overwhelmed your dresser drawers when you put them up.

They had the kind of smell you didn't realize was there until it was inches from your face, and when you did realize you were smelling it, it was all you wanted to smell it. Goddammit...they smelled like _him_.

I would have imagined a stronger clean smell, tainted with the stench of cigarettes. No, it was a soft clean smell, the complete opposite of what I expected from this guy; nothing more.

His mouth tasted like this, and I couldn't imagine how good it would have tasted without the tobacco fading it.

I mean everyone said that the kissing a smoker was putrid, but It didn't bother me when I kissed Levi, not in the slightest. I think this as I creep over to Levi’s bed, my head foggy from the insanity of this day. After peeling back the covers I climb underneath them. His entire bed smelled like him, and I can’t even bother to not press my head deep into the pillow and inhale as I close my heavy eyes.

I had never slept so deep in my life, then again it don't think I've ever had a day as crazy as so. It was ridiculous, just all of yesterday.

I wanted to crawl up into a ball and die when I woke up, the light of the morning poured through the window of Levi’s apartment. His entire bedroom looked fresh and new in this kind of lighting. Like the spirit of yesterday had been lifted, if only it felt that way.

The warm smell of eggs and bacon wafted into the room. I laid my hands on my stomach, both warm from sleep and Levi’s soft comforter. It growled, I was so starving.

Sitting up, I rub a hand through my ruffled, sleep driven hair. I could see my reflection from Levi’s mirror across from me, and I seemed to look the same as I would have expected; tired, eyes puffy from sleep, and my dark chestnut hair ruffled about messily.

I didn't want to go see Levi, I didn't know how to act around him after… _that_.

Today didn't feel any better now that yesterday was gone. It all felt the same, like he was still doing those things to me on this bed, like he was barging out of the room like nothing ever happened.

I sigh, stepping out of the bed, I find that the hardwood floors are cold to my feet. Levi’s sweatshirt hung over my one of my shoulders. I may have been taller than him, but he was more built. Not it a meathead sort of way, but I didn’t really know how to explain Levi’s unique physique.

I neglected to pull the sweatshirt over my naked shoulder, I didn’t want to fix it, I didn’t want to do anything.

As I walk outside his bedroom I was relieved that he wasn’t there, but he must have just left because the plate of breakfast he left out for me at the table was still steaming. I walk over to the kitchen table, a piece of notebook paper with neat handwriting on it sat under a cup of what appeared to be fresh warm coffee.

            I sit down, as I lifting the cup, it heats up my hand. I pick up the paper, taking a hesitant sip of the hot drink as I begin to read.

 

_I will be fixing your car today, don’t leave this apartment for anything._

_I made you breakfast, it might still be hot by the time you wake up._

_If not just throw it in my microwave, don’t make a mess._

_I’m sorry for last night, I don’t really know what happened myself._

_Your car should be fixed today so you are welcome to leave when I bring it back._

_-Levi_

I was surprised he even wrote a letter, that he would acknowledge me. What surprised me even more was the fact that he was apologizing. I sighed, relieved that once he got back everything could be back to normal. The little time I had spent with this guy felt like forever, and I would finally be able to go home. Sleep in my own bed, eat my own…cafeteria food. Food that wasn’t nearly this nice, but it was home food.

For such a careless persona Levi held, he was just about the opposite. He had a clean apartment, ridiculously nice food, and seemed to be pretty responsible as far as the car issue went.

            I lean back in the kitchen table seat, eating some eggs off my plate. He had made eggs and bacon, but the bacon looked like it was cooked on a griddle rather than microwaved. It was crispy and there was rarely any fatty parts unlike it would if you threw it in the microwave for a few minutes.

            Once done eating, I bring my plate over to his sink, he didn’t have a dishwasher which confused me quite a bit. There were no signs that he had eaten, there wasn’t dirty dishes in the sink, and there weren’t any clean ones sitting out on dish towel he had. If he had anything it would have been coffee, in which a plain white coffee cup identical to mine sat face down on the towel. Did he only have coffee this morning? That must mean he made breakfast just for me, at least it appeared that way.

What was with this guy? He pushes me away but apologized and makes me breakfast the next day? It made no sense, I thought he despised me. I mean, he definitely could have just left a box of cheap cereal on the table for me to have. If anything he could have just not given me anything at all. I sigh, not knowing what to do in the meantime as Levi worked on my car.  

    I walk over to his couch, which sat beyond the kitchen area in the corner of the room. It was light grey, and looked soft. I was still tired, especially after eating such a good breakfast, so I walked over, crawling over onto it to lie down. I lay down on it flat on my back, allowing my body to sink into its soft cushions, it smells faintly of the cigarettes Levi smokes. The smell comforts me for some weird reason, and I mentally scold myself for it.

I was honestly just so tired, in which all of the reasons had to do with Levi. I had even known him for two days. He had already begun what felt like ruining my life. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. “Everything will always seem a lot worse than it will be.” I think to myself. My mom use to tell me this whenever I would get distressed. I was always the type to overreact, so this always calmed me down.

            I hoped that this was not nearly as horrible as it felt, but it honestly felt as bad as it should. I made all the worse decisions yesterday, and they really hit me hard back.


	6. Chapter 6

I must had drifted off, because when I woke up Levi was sitting at the end of the couch, smoking a cigarette. He turned to me when he noticed that I was awake. “Did you sleep all day?” He asked, taking a drag. The living room smelled like smoke, and I coughed as I frantically sat up. “Do you really have to do that in here?” I ask, feeling a bit grouchy that I woke up to the smell.

“It's my house” he responds, he sits the cigarette in between his pointer and middle finger, bringing it away from his mouth to blow out a puff of smoke directed toward my face. The smell grows even stronger which makes me cough again. I put a hand over my nose and mouth to shield it as glare up at the man. He sat there nonchalantly, like it didn't even matter that I didn't like the smoke. “Tch…” His eyes narrow, but the look he gives me isn't hatred filled, I couldn't quite figure it out so it just added to the anger.

 “What was that for?” I growl, leaning forward and attempting to rub the sleepy from my eyes. “Do I have to draw it out for you?” He asks rhetorically, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for another drag.

I look down and notice a blue fleece blanket had been covering my lower half. That’s when I realized that I didn’t remember falling asleep with blanket of any kind.

Where the hell did this come from? Did he give me the blanket？he surely wouldn't go so far out of his way to do something like that would he? “You were shivering.” Levi says quietly, looking to my surprised face. I break the eye contact, my cheeks growing red with embarrassment as the thoughts of yesterday fade into my mind.

 “I didn't think you'd care.” I mumble, half expecting for him to answer. In which he doesn't, he simply remains the way he was, taking one last drag of the cigarette before crushing it in the ash tray on the side table beside him. His arm remains resting over the side of the couch as he sighs. “Your car is a newer model, a model we don't have the right parts to repair with. I don't repair the cars, it's Mike that does it so I don't know the whole deal. All I know is that it will be awhile before we can actually fix it. “He explains, and I can hear the dread laced tight in his voice.

 I look down at my lap, the blanket warming my legs a little too comfortably. “So like…a week?” I ask quietly, I didn't want to spend another second near this guy, not after what happened. “I don't know, trust me, I asked.” He replies, his voice growing a bit quiet as well. The air in the room relaxed slightly, like we knew each other for a moment.

When I looked back up my body went tense again, and the air grew heavier than before as his eyes loomed over to mine. “What do we do?” I find myself asking, my breath short as his cold look pierces me over and over. His eye contact is ruthless, but it's subtle at the same time. It confused me, could he really be that confident?

 It was like he was trying to find something in me, as if he could read my mind or some dumb shit like that. “I don't know.” He finally replies, his voice is soft. I look down, trying to gather some thoughts or ideas as to what to do about this. I then look back up, his eyes move back to me.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” I finally ask, growing irritated as I became more familiar with the situation. At first he doesn't respond, his eyebrows furrow, his eyes giving me a more uncomfortable feeling, as if he were teasing me at this point.

“I never feel sorry.” He murmurs, and he leans forward, his face coming closer up to mine. My heart races and I move the opposite way. “What?” I ask, my voice shaking as my face flushes from how close he was getting. What the hell was this? He completely disregarded my question, and now he was inches from my face.

No, this won't happen again, it can't. His eyes narrow, and his eyes send chills down my spine now that I am forced to look at them from close up.

“I can figure everyone out, except for you. I haven't figured you out yet, and I have no fucking clue why” He says, but his words seem to be intended to himself rather than me. He sounded distressed, like he was running out of ways to cope. I didn’t know why he was so upset over this, I didn’t know why any of this even mattered to him.

“Wha-?!” I'm cut off my lips. His mouth absorbs my words, and I don't know what to do anymore. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth, and the three piercings click their way past my teeth. My Hips stir when he does this in the oddest way, and I uncontrollably open my mouth wider, softly moaning into his mouth. He had crawled all the way on top of me, my legs pushed apart and folded over his back. His mouth quickly separated from mine, and I'm now completely frazzled.

He looked completely normal though, like he had not just abruptly kissed me for no fucking reason. “Why do I feel sorry with you?” He whispers, like he was attempting to prove something to himself. His hand comes up and brushes my dark hair from my face.

I want to get pissed off by his words, but he didn’t sound like he was telling me I was sympathetic, or pitiful of any sort.

No, these were not words of sympathy. These were nothing but the bitter words of remorse.

 

"I need to figure you out" Levi said suspiciously, desperately. His eyes growing deeper as they pierce into mine.

"So you think fucking me is going to help?" I ask, my cheeks burning red but my words coldly serious. His lips part at my words, an eyebrow cocks up, he licks over his lip piercing.

"No, I don't." He responds huskily, and with that his head dipped back down, patiently planting warm kisses from my jawline to my collarbone.

 My head swings back, my mouth parting from his touch. I'd already given up, what else was there to lose at this point?

 Everything hurt, my pride, my life, my entire existence ever since I even met this asshole. Everything hurt, except for this. This felt good, it felt pure.

 It was like a color that no one else could see, and I saw it in him.

“I want to make it up to you.” Levi then says, his voice out of breath as he looks up to me from kissing my neck. “Wha-t?” My voice cracks nervously as my cheeks burn even redder. He licks his lips, not breaking eye contact with me. “Don't be stupid, you know what I did last night embarrassed you.” He says, his voice firmer this time. I swallow, trying to break eye contact as all the memory's flush back for the millionth time. “I-uh-mm” I didn't know what to say, and I guess the fact that he was sorry comforted me more.

 I just didn't know what kind of apology this was.

He then glances back down at my lips and slowly leans forward, his lips comfort my shaking ones. They were so warm, and I soon succumbed to the feeling as he slips his tongue back into my mouth. I shutter, leaning back into the couch as his tongue gently moves around my mouth. His hips then press against mine, passing warm pleasure through mine.

I had already started to get hard, so when he did this I felt my back arch slightly from the feeling. “uhm!” I naturally moaned, but his mouth was still on mine. His lips separate from mine, and he begins kissing as my jaw again. I take this moment to breath, considering I was terribly out of breath already. I didn’t know if it was because he kissed me for so long or if it was from the moment. Most likely it was from both.

“So you like this?” He hums, his voice hitting my neck as he kissed it. “N-No! I don’t…stop being..weird!” I frantically answer, not wanting to begin another embarrassing moment like last nights. He looks up at me with a challenging look on his face. “I’m not going to act like I did last night.” He says, his voice sounding soft, patient. I relax slightly. I wanted to ask why he walked out like that, I wanted to know why he would be so mean and then do something like this.

I wanted to call it sexual abuse, but I was just as guilty here. He wasn’t abusing me that way, because when he touched me like that all I wanted was for him to do it more. The worst part was, he knew this. He knew I wanted him, I could see it in those cold eyes of his. Like a forest, or dark sea glass. My lips part and I look down, his body felt heavy on top of mine despite that he was shorter.

Muscle weighs more than fat, and I was positive most of his weight consisted of muscle. He did have some parts on him that were thicker than me, like where his waist dipped up into his hip bones, I somehow remember that part, and I honestly have no idea why. The idea of him being naked again made me shudder, I didn't realize how sensitive I was to these thoughts. Having said that, I was sensitive to everything about him. It frustrates me to no extent, so he sits here in between my legs watching as I surrender to every thought he knows I'm having about him right now.

My heart was racing, and my cheeks hurt, and my throat was excruciatingly dry. His fingers press under my chin, cocking my head up to meet his eyes again. He leans forward, and I close my eyes, eagerly allowing him to kiss me once more.

      His lips feel hot against mine, but that doesn't take away from the softness. His tongue feels even softer as I let it slip into my mouth. My eyes water from the feeling of him pressing into my crotch, the kiss becoming even sloppier.

          I wanted come here, right now, with him. All I wanted right now was him. My stomach aches for him, my entirety needed him. It was ridiculous if you took these thoughts out of context, it was ridiculous if you didn't. I'd only known him for a day, and I already felt like his lover or some shit. I didn't even know what I was to him.

         Quite frankly I didn't want to know.

         I squeeze my eyes shut as he presses himself harder against me, the friction only adding to my growing erection. I break our kiss, looking down at him on top of me I frantically stretch out my hands under him. I grab onto the waist of his cotton shirt, trying my hardest to yank it up. He looks completely frazzled, mostly because I was actually taking an initiative I thought, or maybe it was because I was doing something he didn't want me to do.

         I didn't know which one it was, and it bothered me yet intrigued me at the same time. He exhales, crossing his arms over the waist of the shirt and sliding it over his head.

         My eyes are immediately diverted to his side, where a black mark of some sort was. My eyebrows furrow as I clumsily sit up.

         This, I've seen this before.

          I lean forward, pushing my hand up under his arm. Right on the side of his ribs was a small tattoo, the same pattern and design as the picture of the wings I found in that binder under his bed. An alarming look comes over his face as I attempt to touch the smallish tattoo. His other hand comes around, grabbing onto my wrist before my fingers reach the skin.

         I tense, God... What _have_  I done?

         "What are you doing?" He asks, his voice laced with utter annoyance. "Your...tattoo.... I just didn't know...you had one." I choke out, my voice shaky from fear.

         What was he going to do now? Could it possibly be worse than last night? I didn't know, so I just let his hand hold my wrist, in which he softened his grip. His face didn't lose its hardness though, and that's what really scared me.

         Where was the Levi from five seconds ago? Where was the one I wanted so badly right now? I already regretted taking so much notice in the tattoo, and this feeling burns even deeper with that look on his face. "Why were you going through my sketches?" He then asks, his voice colder than before. My face loses feeling, my toes tingling numb. "No, no I don't know what you-" I could barely even push out words. My stomach had dropped to the lowest level of my body.

          "You wouldn't have cared about it if you didn't go through it." He says, his gaze lowering.

         He was smart, a lot smarter than I had expected.

         I can't look at him, but if I divert my eyes away from him he would just do something to move them back. I felt like I could cry, but I could never cry in front of this man.

         "I'm sorry, I was in your room and.." I completely cracked, I couldn't lie to him because he saw right through it. He saw through mostly everything I did. When I looked at him all I saw were his eyes, all I saw was his appearance, all I saw was darkness.

         Yet he saw straight through me, and every time he looked at me it was like he was reading me like a fucking book. Another story, another chapter. I didn't want to be judged by him anymore, I didn't want to be scrutinized.

         He finally breaks his eyes away from me as he sighs. "You don't have to tell me." My voice says, shaking like crazy but still firm enough to be coherent.

          "I didn't go through your stuff because I wanted to know everything, I didn't do it to get a story out of you. I don't want to know about it, and you obviously don't want to tell me." I frantically explain, I just wanted this whole thing to go away. "So just...just don't tell me, because you don't have to." I finally say. His expression softens, but a lost look washes over him. He turns back to me, his face blank.

             "Why can't I see through you?" He mumbles, my lips part, I'm so lost. He acted like he could, he made everything I did feel so obvious. Now he was telling me I was a puzzle or some shit? He leans forward, forcing his lips against mine. I was too slow to react, so he kissed my parted mouth. This was taken only as an advantage to press his tongue back into mouth. "Mm!" I panicked, I didn't know what he was doing, I didn't know what he was thinking. His hands press under my shirt, smoothing around my sides to my lower back. They felt warm on my skin, and his gentle touch surprisingly calmed me. The piercings on his tongue clack more on my teeth as he tilts his head to kiss me harder. His weight then pushes me back down against the 

couch.

         A short moan slips from my mouth as his crotch presses down on mine. My feet cross over themselves as he used his hands to wrap himself tighter in between my legs. I then break our kiss, gasping for air I look up at him. He looked like child, the eagerness in his face, the natural urge reddening his cheeks. All of which made him ironically look like a child. Not in a weird way, I mean I wasn’t that jaded to that point. It was just, in an innocent type way.

         You see, things like this weren’t what you expected them to be. At least, that’s my input on the whole ordeal. Sex wasn’t this magical, fireworks and happy true love type thing. From what I’ve learned from yesterday and today it wasn’t anything close.

         It didn’t feel like the highlight of my life, but it didn’t feel invisible. It didn’t weigh me down like they told you at school in health class. It happens so fast, so easy. Almost as if you didn’t even know it were happening. It felt innocent, like I’d taken a step back to square one.

          It was the only pure feeling I knew of.

          Nowadays, everything seemed to be laced with some negative emotion you create, some attached string that takes away from the feeling.

         Yet when Levi was doing those things last like I didn’t have anything negative tainting what I felt.

         It was pure, it felt so innocent. Maybe that’s why it happened so easy, maybe that’s why I am letting him continue with this. He gave me simplicity, but he’s given me the complete opposite along with it.

         The world simply was not in black and white. Levi was an example of all the tints and shades, the spectrum of confusion. Yet here I was, succumbing to all of him, letting him do as he pleased. He could kick me out after this, he could tell me the worst things I would ever hear; but I would still want him to do this, I longed for that feeling of pureness, the only feeling that made me feel no regret. This would screw me over, but right now I couldn’t care less.

     


	7. Chapter 7

        His lips felt like heaven, at least that’s how it felt at the moment. His hand pushed its way up the front of my shirt, bunching it up as he softly scratched at my chest.

            He was kissing me slowly, in which he could kiss me as slowly as he wanted, because his lingering pierced lips were enough to make me cum alone. “Mhm…Ahh!” I uncontrollably moan, our kiss broken as he grinds himself against me like he was before. Warm tingly feelings spread across my lower abdomen, rooting their ways to my fingertips and toes. “How could something like this make your entire body feel good?” I thought to myself, but the thought was quickly clouded.

            My cheeks burn redder than they were, and my toes curl up as he repeats the movement he just did. “You’re really sensitive.” He whispers before planting a wet kiss on the corner of my mouth. His words only made me shutter, and his lips part slightly as he looks down at mine. His green eyes glossy, like two green marbles. My hand reaches up, and I brush my thumb over his eyebrow instinctively. His entire face was ridiculously soft, it was almost hard to believe this guy was even a real person, nevertheless a guy.

            He seems to be taken aback by my gesture, but he simply pushes it away as he brings his lips down to my neck, kissing with a little more intention this time. “Ahh!” I let out another stupid sound when I feel his hand find its way to my crotch. He slipped it under the gym shorts I was wearing, which in fact belonged to him.

            “You’re really hard right now.” He teases, and with that I felt him rub his hand down my dick. “Shu-t..up.” I groan, my face growing red with embarrassment. He looks at me, his face softer than usual. “It’s okay.” He says, his voice quiet. His words are surprisingly comforting, with that he uses both his hands to maneuver my shorts down my legs.

            I get even more flustered, His fully clothed bottom half was now pressed up against my completely naked one as he tossed the shorts to the ground. It befuddled me how he didn’t bother folding them or anything of that sort.

            Was he really that eager? Or, maybe he just didn’t care that much today.

            “You have me all out of sorts.” He says huskily, almost reading my mind. His face looked strained, and it was so hard to believe he even showed some kind of emotion other than the cold nonchalant one he constantly obtained.

            I sink back into the couch, my erection practically throbbing at this point. I looked at where his arm was covering his tattoo, that sketch I saw was tattooed on his pale skin there. There was a story behind that tattoo, and he didn’t want me to know it. I wanted to know though, as much as I told myself I didn’t, my curiosity constantly got the better of me.

            I make an initiative to sit up, and when I do Levi fails to flinch at how close I was to him. He was practically sitting in my lap now, and this only made it easier for my hands to find their ways to the front of his pants in a desperate attempt to undo them.

            He doesn’t stop me, but this doesn’t stop the pained look on his face. I could tell he didn’t want me to be doing anything to him, I could tell he had a specific reason he didn’t want me to be doing things like this to him. I honestly didn’t know if this was a good thing or not.

            “Don’t stop me this time.” I practically order him, my voice a little too bold for the moment. He looks at me, nodding yes hesitantly. He looked so small, so quiet. It almost made me uncomfortable, but my mind was more on track now that he was letting me slide his jeans down his legs.

            His black underwear was tight, just as last nights. I could see how hard he was underneath, and the whole lewd image was almost too much for me to bare. That’s when it actually hit me.

            Were we about to have sex? Like not just playing along the edges like we did, but actual sex. The kind that got girls pregnant or whatever. I mean, I didn’t really classify that as true to heart sex, but there was definitely a difference. I mean, I didn’t want to catch anything, like a disease or something. Although, judging from last night I wouldn’t be surprised if I already did.

            Shit, shit ,shit!

            Maybe he had protection, maybe this wasn’t bad as I’ve heard it was. He took on quickly as my face began to show my sudden flash of fear. “What?” He asks casually, he seemed a little annoyed that this whole thing was being interrupted once again. My hands begin to feel cold, and I wrap them around my sides. He was still straddling my lap.

            “It’s nothing.” I tell him, not wanting to even say the word ‘sex’. The word made this moment feel even more uncomfortable. He then sighs, looking down at me. He then uses his weight to push me back down on the couch. His body was sitting up right, and he tilts his head as he examines my face.

            “Are you scared?” He asked, almost as if he were enjoying this, enjoying my sudden tentativeness.

            I sink back harder into the couch, not knowing how to respond. My eyes then finally find their ways back to his. I never realized this, but there was somewhat of a grey tint in his.

            “I don’t know how to…you know.” I words trail off, and my eyes soon find there ways elsewhere, hiding from his cold orbs.

            “I’m not going to have sex with you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He says bluntly, his voice bitter. My voice catches, and now I really can’t look at him. What was I thinking? Of course nothing like that was going to happen.

            I then feel him lean down, his lips, piercings, touch my neck.

I suck in a breath, he sucks at my skin.

            My back arches up abruptly, his warm body was smothering mine, pressing hip hips harder against me. My arms are now wrapped around the back of his neck, and I honestly can’t really remember me bringing them there.

            My mind was foggy, and I could feel his hand make its way back to my crotch. “Ahh!” I let out a quick moan as he takes my dick in his hand. It was pressed against my stomach, and he had just begun to rub his thumb up and down the back.

            Warm pleasure quickly overwhelmed my hips, and my face grew red from the feeling. “I can’t get over how sensitive you are, I’m barely even touching you.” he says eagerly into my neck, continuing to suck as his thumb stopped at the top to gently press into the tip.

            I could barely take this, I needed more; I needed more of him. My hips naturally bucked up as he continued to fondle with me down there. I could feel him chuckle against my neck, which took me aback.

            He’s never showed much emotion of happiness, or playfulness yet. Of course this only made me more eager. There was a Levi who smiled, there was a Levi who laughed. I knew there was. No matter what he said or did would hide that.

            His hands now grip my hips, holding them down. “Hmph, you have bony hips.” He says, his face now close to my ear. My neck felt swollen from him sucking it, and the side of my head was pressed hard into the side of the couch.

            Him holding my hips like that, needed to happen more. I couldn’t help but feel myself press against his hands, “Why are you so eager?” he asks teasingly.

            My heart was pounding out of my chest, I couldn’t answer, and there wasn’t an answer to his question that wouldn’t make my face redder than it already was.

            I look down, and I see that his underwear was still on, but nothing hid his erection.

I reach down, both my hands brushing against his sides until they met his waist band. I felt him nibble slightly on my ear as he used a free hand to assist in getting the clothing down his legs.

            Our dicks were practically touching now, and I had completely forgotten about the vulgar metal studs he had on his. My cheeks burned even redder, and I look away, ashamed that I found such a sight pleasurable.

            He uses his thumb and pointer finger to tilt my face to face his. His eyes burning into mine. He uses his free hand to begin skillfully rubbing our dicks together. My breath catches again as the heat in my stomach grows stronger. Pre-cum was already beginning to form on the tip of my dick, he then stretched his thumb out and rubbed it over the tip.

            I squeeze my eyes shut, I wasn’t too sure how much of this I would be able to handle.

He had already begun using his hand to rub up and down the front of my shaft, his own dick rubbing against me as well. His piercings were a surprise, because I wouldn’t have expected for them to feel this insanely good.

            It was ridiculously embarrassing, all of this. Yet it was too easy to get caught up into it, to just allow myself feel good, because honestly that’s all my body seemed to want right now.

            “You don’t have to like it, just let it happen, you obviously want it to.” He then whispers, once again reading my fucking mind. What kind of bullshit was he telling me when he said he couldn’t figure me out?

            He read me like a picture book, how could he be the slightest confused about me?

            Despite that, his words made me shiver, especially in this state.

I let out a gasp as the feeling became more intense, now spreading throughout my entire body. He was rubbing us together harder, and my eyes were beginning to water as even my fingertips were now tingling with that same pleasure.

            Nothing was stopping it now, and I felt everything slowly build up to its conclusion. “Ahh!” I practically yell out as I came against my stomach.   Levi’s eyebrows then stitch together, in a somewhat worried look. His lips part as he came just seconds after I had.

            I’d never seen him make an expression like that, quite frankly it was beautiful.

                                    As much as I hated it, he was beautiful.

 

           

-

-

-

 

            He made me take a shower after him, in which he took showers that were a bit too long. It hadn’t been until after 45 minutes until he had actually stepped out of the bathroom. His wet hair was messily tossed to the side, exposing his undercut. It was still wet, and he looked rather refreshed in the new pair of black jeans and grey tee shirt he wore.

            “Shower fast, I’m driving you back to your school before it gets to be too late.” He says, his voice back to the nonchalant bitter one it’s always been.

            That was right, I had completely forgotten that I actually had school tomorrow. Maybe life would actually get back to feeling the same, but honestly after these two days I wondered if anything would actually be the same.

            I hated routine anyways, that’s why I never took the same route home, that’s why I never did the same thing every day other than school and the necessary things like brushing my teeth or showering.

            To be honest routine scared me, and I had my reasons for it.

 If I did the same thing everyday life would be boring, nothing would be interesting because I saw it every day;

and nothing scares me more than not being able to find meaning in anything.

For once, I was looking forward to routine, because at the same time it comforts me. If everything goes as planned, we have nothing to worry about. Right?

“Yea, thanks.” I say quietly, making my way to the bathroom door. The piercings on his eyebrows were more visible with his wet hair tossed over to the side like that, and I never really admired the two metal balls on either side of the bridge of his nose until now.

            “From now on I will be your carpool, your cell phone is on the counter. When you get it I’ll put my phone number in it. Just tell me when you need a ride and I’ll be there. Just don’t overdo it.” He explains.

            One thing was for sure about Levi, communication was clear.

I nod yes, stepping past him and into the bathroom. God, maybe things won’t be the same they had been. I mean I would have to get a ride from him every time I needed to go somewhere. On normal school days I should be fine, but transporting myself over the weekends to my grandparents or Armin’s would be rather hard. All of which would be because that meant sitting in a car with him; and who knows how long this will go on with my car still not fixed.


	8. Chapter 8

                I was hoping the car ride home wouldn't be as awkward, but that was ridiculously naive of me considering it were obvious Levi was not the talkative type. I believe that he enjoyed the quiet, in which I don't blame him. Yet at the moment it seemed to be mainly because there wasn't anything to talk about.

At least for Levi there didn't seem to be.

We were already halfway to the school, all it took was some print out instructions and Levi took off in the car he was borrowing from his friend, he had made no mistake on the route yet.

He never seemed to make a mistake in general, at least that's how I perceived it.

I look at him, his gaze is fixed on the road; as it should be.

He’s biting his lip, using the side of his teeth and tongue to fidget with his lip piercing.

I never really realized his dark his eyes were, they could be from lack of sleep or maybe all the cigarettes he smokes.

I wouldn't be surprised either way, I almost felt like he never slept the one night I was at his house; last night.

I lean back, my gaze reaching outside the passenger window, trees and buildings passing my eyes.

Seconds later Levi sighs, and I glance over to him to find his eyes finding mine.

 “So I guess I should apologize in advance for making you gay.” His voice breaks the silence of the car, and my relaxed mood immediately gets tempered at his words.

“I'm……not!” I practically yell, my face gets flustered. I didn't even know what to say.

I see him grin to himself, he actually grinned.

The corner of his mouth had curved upwards and ever so slightly, and that was enough to fluster me even more.

“What would you call just a few hours ago then?” He questions, and he really couldn't help the insidious grin on his face now.

I clench my jaw, balling up my fists in my lap.

Well, now that I looked at it in a clear view, what we did was definitely gay, very gay.

Yet I wasn't for guys, to be completely honest I wasn't for guys until I met Levi.

Until he kissed me.

“You can't tell me you’re straight after fucking twice.” He adds bluntly.

Where was this guy’s filter? Did he just blurt shit like that out without caring?

I would never be able to understand how he was able to keep smug about saying things like that.

“I-it's not that! It's just…” My words trail off, I didn’t really know what it was. I mean maybe I was bi or whatever, maybe I just didn't know. I honestly didn't really care at this point though, because I've never really wanted to have sex with anyone until I met Levi.

It sounded weird, because yea I jacked off and shit before this, and it was to girls too.

I guess I just never thought about having sex with someone, I mean I never grew that close to anyone. I didn't know what it felt like to see someone and want to do it with them.

Guys at my school would constantly swoon over girls, saying things like “I’d hit that” and shit.

Like they even had the chance.

All their words would do would either gross me out of piss me off.

I just never really knew what it was like to want to be that close to someone, to meet that side of them.

As corny as it sounded, having sex with Levi was like meeting a deeper layer of him. A place not many other people have seen, hopefully.

Now whenever I see Levi, or even hear his voice I feel my hips grow warm.

It's like my body was begging for him, and I didn't know how to make it stop or ignore it.

“It's just I'm not as gay as you.” I finally tell him, breaking the silence once more.

He chuckles again to himself, his glance moving to me and then back at the road.

“You should know I'm not gay, I'm pansexual you uncultured shit. I've been laid by more woman than you can count.” He tells me, his words scratching hard at my pride.

The thought of Levi being with a woman, or with another man, or with whomever really pissed me off. It sucked because I didn't think it would, but now that it's finally met my full consciousness it was all Iscause could dwell on.

Shame rushed over me, and I turned my head to look out the window.

I didn’t want to respond, I couldn't.

“I hope you don’t go off and tell all your friends you got a blowing from me.” He adds, breaking the silence as well as changing the Subject.

I look over to him, my eyes drawn big.

"Why the hell would I do that?" I ask, my voice growing uncomfortably loud. He glances over to me, his eyes giving me a questioning look. "You would be surprised how many people would tell." He says "Even if it has to do with the law." He adds.

The words give me shivers, he was right. What we did was practically illegal, pedophilia to be exact. 

I never realized that he was an adult, and I honestly was not in the mood for learning his exact age.

He was smaller than me, he practically looked the same age as me. I guess that’s what tricked me, but a lot tricked me, and I couldn’t even place a finger on what it was about him.

He couldn't be that much older than me, I mean he barely looked 20.

I lean my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes as I felt my head begin to pound with a headache.

God...I had sex with someone over age, it was barely legal to have sex at my age to begin with.

Fuck, I was going to hell.

I knew I was going to hell anyways but this was just the icing on the cake.

The fucking cake of hell.

"I'm not any happier about it than you are, shit just happens. You'll be fine if you keep your mouth shut." He says, but even I can hear the doubt in his voice.

I had friends, family who have not heard from me in about a day.

I mean, I texted them but, they have not really seen much of me other than that.

"Drop me off a mile from the school, that way you don't get caught." I begin to tell Levi. My voice in a slight panic.

He sighs, glancing at me for a moment. "Not happening, this is a bad area. If I know anything about the people who hang out here this time of night, then I know that they would love to have your ass for breakfast." Levi says a little too casually for my liking. I groan Looking out the window some more.

You couldn't really recognize where we were because of the darkness, but I could see enough to know we were close to the school.

"You'll be fine, just tell them I'm a friend. They'd barely even notice." He tells me, his voice a little more reassuring this time.

"Fine." I say, keeping my head turned to the window, watching the white painted lines on the road curve alongside the car. What the hell was I going to tell Mikasa and Armin about my car? If it takes too long for it to be fixed I'll have to tell my grandparents.

I wasn't up for either of those, but they had to happen.

"Hey." Levi then says, breaking the silence once again. I look up this time, to see his fixed gaze on the road.

Everything was more quite at night, it all had this weird haze to it.

Being with Levi felt the same way, quiet and hazy.

His presents was dark, it felt like the nighttime.

"Yea?" My voice is quiet too, almost hesitant as to what he would say.

"We're both equally as guilty here, so don't let it bother you that much. No matter what shit happens, you won't be in this alone." He tells me, and then I felt his hand reach over and touch my knee.

And for once I actually felt like I was on the same level as someone, like someone wasn't looking down on me, or looking up.

We were the same, even though we were two completely different people;

With two completely different stories.

All of them sad, all of them that sit stagnant in the back of our minds as time creeps by.

Levi pulls up to the front of the school. There wasn't a carpool line, it was mostly just one big parking lot. It was empty except for the student’s cars, but there weren't many of those to start with.

My school likes to be considered a private school, but really it's just a dump off school for kids without stable households.

We lived there, and some would go see family on the weekends, in which I were fortunate to have grandparents to welcome Mikasa and I home every other weekend. They were too old to tend to us full time, in which I understood, this school could barely handle us alone.

We sit at the front of the school, the dorms walk in area was nearly pitch black, only the small glow of the yellow fluorescent lights peeking out from the glass doors.

Most of the kids were probably already asleep, or on their phones in the bed.

It was Sunday so we could come back as late as we wanted, which was taken quite loosely considering that most of the kids here were practically delinquents.

Levi sits for a moment, and I don’t get out. I honestly don’t really want to.

His hand leaves my knee, and I immediately feel the cold presence of this moment.

“What are you going to tell your friends where you were for the past night?” He asks casually, his eyes cutting to me. My face goes cold, I had no fucking idea.

“Tell them that you just got caught up where you were originally going.” He suggests, he acted like it wasn’t much of a big deal.

It was, it was a huge deal.

I swallowed, my throat immediately going dry, shit. This past day, this past night I had forgotten everything.

Everything went crazy, my brain got out of routine.

Every Friday I would drive out to the field, I would sit there until after sunset and drive back to the school.

I found it as a source of freedom, a break of routine. It wasn’t until after a few months of going out to that field that I was stupidly giving into just another routine.

I fucking hated routine.

It made me insane, the same thing over and over.

It was unbearable.

So I was driving out to the field, and for once I would break away, I would be set free from routine because-

“Where were you going?” He asks, he sounds annoyed now.

I don’t look at him, I look down at my hands which were now shaking.

“Nowhere, I wasn’t going anywhere.” I tell him, my voice now frantically shaking. I was having a panic attack, I was panicking because, because…

He leans forward, his teeth gritting. His eyes glowing through the dark. I move my glance back down.

My entire body is shaking, my stomach hurt so badly now. I was going to vomit, or pass out, or both.

My lungs felt like they were breaking, like the air weighed of brick every time I took a breath.

“Eren!” He practically yells, he leans forward placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yell, and I turn to him, scowling as he looks at me like nothing was the wrong.

Like nothing I said even fucking mattered to him.

I see him grow impatient, but for some reason it quickly brushes off his face.

He takes his hand off of me, he looks slightly distressed, but he still somehow keeps his cool.

“Eren where were you going?” He asks, his voice trying to stay calm. My skin grows colder at his question, there was no way I could avoid this.

I just wanted to disappear into thin air, all I wanted was for that to happen.

I bury my face into my hands, bending over as tears immediately begin to warm my finger.

I didn’t even know I was crying, I had not cried in months, maybe even years. I forgot how this felt, I had completely forgot.

I was still shaking, probably even harder now that silent tears were dripping past my fingers.

“Eren where the fuck were you going?!” Levi yells, and he doesn’t touch me this time, but his voice is practically begging.

Begging, Levi could beg, was that even fucking possible?


	9. Chapter 9

 My hands make their way to my hair, and I yank at my roots, the in between part of my fingers now filled with soft brown fibers.

_No no no no_ **_NO!_ **

"I don't **_know_**!" I nearly scream, distress running through my vocal cords so hard that my words end in a unexpected sob.

"I don't know..." I say again, my heart in my throat, and I'm coughing hard on it. I feel his hands push hard at my side, and my back is somehow forced against the side door in a matter if seconds.

My eyes grow big, and I'm still shaking like fucking crazy. Tears are pouring down my cheeks, and my mouth opens to breath because the oxygen won't go through my running nose. I was a goddamn wreck, not to mention I probably looked so dumb right now, snot and tears now streaming down my shaking hysteric face.

Levi's staring me down, he didn't want to play any games. I knew that, and that was agonizing enough. I just wanted to disappear right now, right here.

"You know what you were doing, and you need to tell me now." He says, his voice keeping line, and his face still made of stone. "I-i...I went to the field." I tell him, my words barely comprehensible. "What was going on at the field?" He asks, and I knew I needed to answer, I knew I had to answer him.

"I always go to the field, every Friday I go to the field but-" I begin crying harder, and I look over to the side. His thumbs were digging hard into my shoulders, enough to leave nasty bruises. He doesn't talk, instead he waits for me to gather what left I had of myself.

"I was bringing the...medicine, I found sleeping medicine and-" I choke out more words, and I see him fitting the pieces of the puzzle in his head.

"I had the blades with me too, it was going to be so quick." I'm sobbing now, and I've never cried this hard in my life.

I've never felt this ashamed, this pained. "I just wanted things to stop being the same!" I cry softly, and I'm looking down, my body giving into his unbearable strength. He then let's go of me, and I slump back into my seat. He's now rubbing his hands over his face, slumped over the steering wheel.

That's how I knew he had figured it out, put it all together. "If you didn't rear-end you that day then...you would be." He says quietly to himself. His voice was fine, but I've never heard him talk this subtly.

He was right, if I never met him, if I never made that mistake then I would be dead. I knew that for a fact, because I was sure as hell that day that it would have happened. I was ridiculously brave, and I used that skill in all the wrong ways. Yet when I first met Levi, I had become weak, well weak towards another person.

I was already weak to myself.

"Why would you do that?" He asks, and he almost sounds angry. I look towards him, not being able to respond, because my throat felt too groggy to talk. Did he think I wanted to? Did he think I enjoyed it? Enjoyed wanting to die every single day, not being able to see the light and meaning in anything. I needed it to end, no one was waiting up for me, maybe Armin and Mikasa but, they would have lived on. We all think our problems matter, we all think we matter.

We don't, not compared to the vast universes, the stars, the millions and thousands of people, the routine that fails to stop. No matter what we do, what we say, how we think. That won't stop the night from being night, or the morning from being morning. We still have to go to school, we still have to get out of bed, we still have to eat. We aren't allowed to stop, because if we stop we fail.

I stopped feeling, and that's when I failed. When you fail, you stumble, and getting up doesn't just _happen_ I didn't want to get up, so I went to fall down for sure.

I fear eternity, I fear the never ending.

"Why would you make me sleep at your house?! Why would you make moves on me like that?! You might think that you know me just because of what happenned, but you don't. So please tell me, why are so so fucking infactuated with my goddamn life?!"

I look over to him, tears relentlessly dripping my cheeks still. I was shaking with anger, confusion, all of thoss feeling I had completely forgotten about.

He looks over to me, a frustrated expression crossing over his face. "A lot of people want to know about you Eren, you have a lot of people confused. I fucked up bad, don't get me wrong; but this, I have to do this. You just have to trust me at this point." he says, his voice scaringly steady. 

I look down, I had no idea what he meant, I had know idea who he was, and all I can do is close my eyes and try to sort everything out.

My life was shit before.

 

Now that I've met Levi though, after he kissed me like that. I'm not that scared anymore, I actually got out of bed this morning and ate. I actually forgot about routine, I forgot about yesterday, and I started think about tomorrow.

I wanted him to be my eternity, I wanted him to watch over me. So yes, maybe I could try to trust him.

I tried denying this, but I can't. He reaches over to me, his eyebrows furrowed in a somber look. His thumb wipes a salty tear from my cheek.

"Be careful, call me when you need me to give you a ride." He says, and with that I nod.

I look around, right; we were still at the school. When I look back at Levi I see his eyes meet mine. I wasn't so sad anymore, and I didn't realize how much I respected Levi for not asking anymore questions, and somewhat answering mine.

"I hope you're good at making up stories." He says hesitantly. "Don't worry, please just. Don't worry about me." I tell him reassuringly, and with that I place a hand on the middle console of the car and lean forward.

My lips carefully meet his and we kiss. "Bye." I tell him, our foreheads brushing against each other. His eyes are barely open, looking into my eyes fondly.

"Yea." He murmurs, and with that I lean back over to my side. Swinging the passenger door open I step out of the car and into the night breeze. I look back at him, my hand pressing my hair back to tame it from the wind. He looks at me, and then back in front of him and drives off.

When he leaves the parking lot I wipe my face off with my sweater sleeve, making sure I don't walk into the dorms with a puffy tear driven face.

I then make my way to the door, and I immediately feel relieved by the warm heating of the building. The lobby was quiet, which was expected because of the late hour. I check in with my ID, which was slid under my phone case at all times. After that I simply made my way to the left corridor which was basically where the boys dormitory was. I shared a room with Armin, and I mentally prepared myself to be nagged at for not talking to him for a day. When I reach my room, I knock, in which it were strictly locked after 9 pm.

Armin answered within a matter of seconds, his bright blonde hair look messy, and he was rubbing one of his eyes as he recognized who I was. "Eren? Where the heck were you?!" He immediately scolds, I fake a slight smile; immediately pushing my way past him and into the room. "I can explain in a moment, Armin." I tell him as I walk into our small dorm.

On either side of the room were a small twin sized bed, and a double sided desk in the center. Typically the kids at this school would splatter the plain white walls with band posters and pictures; but we left ours completely blank. The floors were tan tile, which was convenient considering how many messes happened throughout the week. The space was a bit depressing, but I think that was just our space.

If you went into Mikasa's room it would be showered in all sorts of colors her roommate Sasha liked to decorate it with. I walk over to my bed, sitting down on the mattress. I want to take my clothes off and shove them in the pull out drawer under my bed, and throwing on shorts to sleep in. Yet I knew I had a lot of explaining to do before I could even think about sleeping, or even changing clothes. Armin is standing just across from me, his arms crossed over his center as he waits for me to speak.

His blonde bangs are swooped messly over to the side, his long sleeve shirt he always sleeps in was hanging off his small built shoulder. He must have woken up to answer the door, but apart of me could tell he had been worrying. I mean, I was his best friend. I would never go too long without talking to him. Before Friday he knew I wasn't myself, he knew I hadn't been myself. I owed him a major apology, and I hated myself for not acknowledging that until now.

I stand up, wrapping my arms around the kid. At first he tensed up, but then he gave into the hug. "You scared Mikasa and me." He murmurs. "I would tell you the whole story, but I don't really want to. Nothing bad happened, I'm just tired." I tell him apologetically, releasing him from the hug. A crossed look passes over his face. "Why won't you tell me? Mikasa won't let you just not tell her either!" He questions, his arms cross over his chest again.

"I never said I wouldn't ever tell you." I say, trying my best to reassure him. He doesn't respond for a moment, instead he looks down and scratches his head. "Fine, but after tonight you better have a story straight." He says, he looks back up to me. I could tell he wasn't joking, he never really joked in the first place.

"Fine." I tell him, and I sit up, beginning to pull my shirt over my head. When I do I look up to see Armin's expression had completely changed. "What happened to you?!" He asked, his eyes like saucers. He leans forward poking a spot on my neck, my the spot immediately tingles in pain. I bring my own hand up, touching over the sore spot.

"You have bruise all over you!" He says, as if I had been cut in two. Shit, shit shit shit! They weren't bruises, they were more so hickeys. I was probably speckled with the spots, and I tried not to shudder when remembering how they got there. "Eren, what happened? You can't tell me you were playing around with any girls...that's unlike you." He scolds, he was too smart for me.

My face grows red "No! That's not what happened! I just fell and got bruised up that's all!" I say, trying to convince him otherwise. "Either way, both are equally as bad. There's no way I'm not letting you not tell me what happened!" He demands, his voice not sounding all that scary. I let out a deep sigh leaning back onto the bed. "I got in a small car accident." I begin.

 

 

~~~~ I pretty much told the boy the entire story, well maybe I left off the fact that Levi and I had sex...twice to be exact. That part wasn't exactly sharable, and as much as I trusted Armin, this was just not something to tell him. He was already flustered enough by my story, questions and confusions flying all throughout his head as he manages to piece it together. He was sitting on the edge of his bed across from me, had he sat down once I began my bizarre explanation.

"There are still some things I neglected to tell you, but they aren't important." I tell him, hoping that maybe for once, he might be able to let this thing go for more than a few minutes. He was deep in thought when I talked to him, but he slowly nodded his head to me as he rubbed a hand through his blonde hair. "Okay, I guess I will just have to live with that for now, thank you for being honest." He said, but his words stung.

I wasn't being honest, to be honest I was acting far from it. "Armin, if I were telling the complete truth, I have no idea what led to the last two days happening." I tell him, and it was true. I didn't know who Levi was, I didn't know his intentions. That is was scared me the most. The ideal thing to do would be to call the cops, have Levi taken in for kidnap and sexual harassment.

No, that would be sick. I accepted him, I accepted what happened. Now I just have to deal with it, let my punishment play out, because it surely would. I could sense it from the bottom of my stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry It has been like forever since I updatedˊ_>ˋ I still have so many plans for this fic, even an ending planned out. Thank you so much for leaving like a shit ton of them gnarly kudos and the friendly comments they seriously make my day. I hope you enjoy this recent chapter ((I apologize because it is very choppy and I only had enough time to skim before posting)) school has been insane, life as been insane. This fic keeps me going though so thank you for reading!! I hope to update again soon to get things goin'


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